30 December 2006

merry christmas

Being the season of the year when people typically celebrate things such as mall sales, family, alcohol, Santa, and the remembrance of the birth of Jesus, it seems appropriate that I share a recent dinner conversation I had with some friends.

I was challenged with the question:

"What does Jesus mean to you?"

Now, I've never been the one to give a Sunday School answer, so when I began to explain my answer (which was demanded on the spot!), my dinner company began to roll their eyes.

There are three steps involved in my answer:
  • an assumption that God exists
  • a second assumption that God is monotheistic
  • a third assumption that of the three main possible options for a system of belief in monotheism (a triad of choice: Judaism, Christianity, Islam), Christianity is correct

Only after these assumptions have been made can the meaning of Jesus be considered.

Using reductionist reasoning, and stating the apparent facts as simply as possible:
  • after the physical body dies, there is an eternity of the soul
  • this eternity of the soul has but two ends: eternity of pain and suffering or eternity of not-pain and not-suffering, but the default is pain and suffering
  • the event of either eternal end is within my ability to choose, and I am responsible for that choice

That choice is Jesus, and the belief in him. To choose to believe in Jesus is to choose an eternity of the soul which is spent in not-pain and not-suffering. To choose to not believe in Jesus is to choose an eternity of pain and suffering. Therefore, to believe in Jesus is to obtain an eternity of not-pain and not-suffering. And that it what Jesus means to me.

This was challenged by my dinner company based on etymology and semantics, so I restated my thesis using his words:

To not believe in Jesus is to spend eternity separated from God. To believe in Jesus to spend eternity with God.

But this is usually viewed as reductio ad absurdum to the average Christian. "It just cannot be that simple....because all my life I was taught that it is more than just a mere belief in Jesus."

However, I would consider the absurdity to be introduced by the many Christians who have added to what is essentially the simplicity of Jesus.

There is nothing simpler than the words of Jesus during a late night conversation with Nicodemus, in which he states not just once but twice, that the only requirement for eternity with not-pain and not-suffering (or rather eternity with God, or even salvation) is a belief in himself:
  • "whoever believes in [Jesus] shall not perish but have eternal life" John 3:16
  • "whoever believes in [Jesus] is not condemned" John 3:18

Then further in the same chapter is John the Baptist's testimony to Jesus:
  • whoever believes in [Jesus] has eternal life" John 3:36

My simple answer did not seem to satisfy my dinner company, they likely have left believing that I am on my way straight to hell. Yet my message is the same: the Gospel message is that simple!

Avoid eternity of pain and suffering = believe in Jesus = enjoy eternity of not-pain and not-suffering.

21 December 2006

check out the NEW michaeljameslewis

Hey all!

Check out the NEW michaeljameslewis.ca !!!

As well, there is a new blog, completely devoted to film!

the Films Blog

12 December 2006


Playing squash sometimes becomes violent.

I got hit in the leg by the ball on a return off of the other guy's racket.

I remember falling down and rolling around while screaming and clutching my leg.

10 December 2006

07 December 2006

Oh Alberta!

You cannot read a paper, watch the news, or even exist in Canada, without stumbling into a story about how fantastic Alberta is!

And you know what? It's all TRUE!

With recent political politicking, financial reports, consumer indexes, and the price of oil, I will take this time to remind my readers that Alberta is the best province in Canada.

Oh Alberta!

....we stand on guard for thee!

28 November 2006

"cold snap"???

I thought this was once called "winter".

But apparently, it's now merely a "cold snap", whatever that is.

All I know is that Environment Canada's prediction of a warm and mild and dry winter are looking quite inaccurate right now.

And I couldn't be more happy!!!

Cold + moisture = snow!

God made snow and said it was good. And on the seventh day he hit the slopes with big phatties and carved out some fresh lines through the trees.

25 November 2006

male restroom etiquette

It's funny because it's true!

20 November 2006

Vancouver's rain = Rocky's S N O W ! ! !

Heard about the rain in Vancouver lately?

Well, further inland that equates to S N O W! Mountains of the white stuff to be precise!

And I say: BRING IT ON!!!

I like summer, no doubt. But I also LOVE winter!

Last season at the "demo day" at Castle, I tried out a pair of ol' phatties, the Head Mojo 90. They are now on my December shopping list.

Mid November, and most hills are reporting close to a 100 cm snowfall. Winter is looking good so far.

01 November 2006

because I finally agreed with Amiel, as did others

Please provide the reference for the following Scripture quotation:

"Children of Israel! Call to mind the special favour which I bestowed upon you, and that I preferred you among all others."

31 October 2006

Pearl Perspective #1

Winter has arrived, or a precursor to it, in Lethbridge.

23 October 2006

on the road to Jericho

Walking from the parking lot to my university class just now, I passed by two people I know.

The first was an Iranian guy from my french class last semester. We stopped and chatted for a few moments to catch up.

The second, a "christian", person just stared right through me and kept walking.

And all I can say is: [edit] many [/edit] stupid Christians.

Why do I not go to church? To save myself the embarassment and shame of being 'related' to those people. But also to avoid the inevitable hurt and pain which will be caused by those people.

The greatest cause of people turning away from God is Christians.

04 October 2006

Google Ads

Coming to your favourite local radio station!!

Google recently purchased dMarc, which owns both Scott Studios and Maestro, together they dominate the radio automation sector globally.

Interestingly, I stumbled upon this article. It explains the technical aspects of how they will sell advertising and play it on a local radio station.

Scary and amazing!

Do no evil, Google. Do no evil.

27 September 2006

shocked and appalled

If the previous Liberal government had not severely under-funded the only credible national news source, I would not have to endure this:


That is a javascript embedded in the page of every news story on CBC which will not load the page if you have some type of ad blocking software. Basically forcing you to load ads if you want to read any news stories.

I'm shocked. I'm appalled. I pay my taxes, and I expect a fully funded CBC which does not need to rely upon ads on their web site to "get by".

Now, thankfully, I don't have this problem on my BlackBerry, so I suppose that will be the only place I can continue to read the news.

In other, somewhat unrelated, news, Jasper and Gracie and Thomas are back!

Dead Dog in the City

At least CBC Radio is still ad-free!!

25 September 2006

in my humble opinion


I read this phrase, or acronym of the phrase, all the time. And I'm weary of it!!!

The in or the my are not the problem; the problem lies in linking the humble and opinion together.

From the Oxford Dictionary:

humble |ˈhəmbəl|
adjective ( humbler , humblest )
  1. having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance
  2. of low social, administrative, or political rank

opinion |əˈpinyən|
a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge

The humble opinion is an oxymoron.
  1. If the opinion were truly humble, then it would not be expressed.
  2. If the opinion is not expressed, then it is no longer an opinion, and is now merely a thought.
  3. A thought can be humble, but an opinion cannot be humble.
  4. Opinions are typically based on some presupposition of pride.

One cannot logically claim that some thought is humble, only to elevate it to the stature of some thing needing to be heard or read by others. In raising the esteem of the thought, the humbleness of it is lost. Once one admits that there is nothing humble about the shared thought, then it can become an opinion, which it currently is because it was expressed.

20 September 2006

today is a sad day

Today is a sad day for all Canadians.

"Because the premier can't be seen supporting one team over another, I've had to sit in the stands at the Labour Day Classic and the Battle of Alberta hockey games cheering like an idiot for both teams. It's unnatural. It's like living in Red Deer."

Ralph Klein officially resigns.

je pleure pour mon pays
et je pleure pour ma province
le soleil n'a pas brillé aujourd'hui
ne l'oublions jamais!!

19 September 2006

Pope apologises; Catholics embrace terrorism

Whenever someone suggests that Islam is violent, Muslim peace protests break out around the world.

I'd quote the source here, but there isn't one. The problem is, whenever someone suggests that Islam is violent, riots and murders occur, among demands that the offending person apologise for....stating the obvious?

A statement of observation is not an attack.

Now, my favourite thing about the recent Islam-o-let's-start-some-motherfucking-shit-here-and-kill-a-bunch-of-Allah-damned-non-Muslims, was the Muslim who murdered an Italian in Mogadishu, Somalia. Apparently cowardice has sunk to a new low.

This foreign national had been living and working in Africa for over 40 years, and was a hospital worker in the city. So, her reward for helping the people who hate her was being murdered. Aside from merely being Catholic, she had nothing to do with what the German Pope quoted in his speech.

And now, Pope Benedict has apologised.

Again, cowardice has sunken to an even lower and newer new low.

18 September 2006

when urine smells like coffee

CBC reported on a report of coffee in Canada, which compares the three major "fast coffee" chains, Tim Hortons, Starbucks, and Second Cup.

Enjoy a cool frappucino blended coffee beverage on a warm day? That "coffee" is equivalent in calories and fat to drinking a "quarter pounder".

Good Cup, Bad Cup :: How to Survive in Latte Land.

welcome to / bienvenue à

15 September 2006

dumb people

The headline read:

"Opposition to Pope's comments grows in Muslim world"

The papacy is well known for condemning just about anything and nearly everything. So I was not to thrilled about this latest Vatican-style fatwah.

But then I read the article.


The Pope made no condemnation of anyone. He was merely quoting a Byzantine Emperor whose message was that spreading faith by the sword is wrong.

It was a portion of a greater message that suggested that violence to promote any religion or belief is wrong.

And now Muslims are rioting, again, and demanding apologies, again.

I'm weary of this Islamic nonsense.

Why is it acceptable for them to have freedom of speech, but no one else?

Why is it acceptable for them to promote and participate in violence, but no one else?

Why is it that they think they are right and all others are wrong?

Why is it that no one may question Islamic ideology, but they can question and destroy anything which is not Islam?

I have far too many questions. But that longer that these ignorant tirades continue sparking up over NOTHING, the less I am able to tolerate and respect the freedom which I extend to them to practice whatever they want. (Which is the same I expect in return.)

Violence is always wrong.

Unless reason is absent.

Then by all means use violence to enable the establishment of reason, either through conversion or eradication.

13 September 2006

paranoid eyes

button your lip and don't let the shield slip
take a fresh grip on your bullet proof mask
and if they try to break down your disguise with their questions
you can hide, hide, hide
behind paranoid eyes

you put on our brave face and slip over the road for a jar
fixing your grin as you casually lean on the bar
laughing too loud at the rest of the world with the boys in the crowd
you can hide, hide, hide
behind petrified eyes

you believed in their stories of fame, fortune and glory
now you're lost in a haze of alcohol soft middle age
the pie in the sky turned out to be miles too high
and you hide, hide, hide
behind brown and mild eyes

~~ Roger Waters ~~

11 September 2006

baby tv?

"BabyFirstTV is a 24-hour-per-day commercial-free television channel that provides programming created specifically for the unique needs and abilities of viewers between six months and three years old. Eighty percent of the programming is original, designed by leading experts in child development, education and psychology. BabyFirstTV offers a safe and positive learning environment with an emphasis on enriching baby-parent interaction."

From six months to three years old? WtF!??!!
I am literally angry with rage! This is disgusting. I hate tv.

06 September 2006

i think i just vomited in my mouth

Jesus Camp

Street date: 15 September 2006

04 September 2006

the pope has an exorcist?

magic |ˈmajik|
the power of apparently influencing the course of events by using mysterious or supernatural forces : do you believe in magic? | suddenly, as if by magic, the doors start to open.
  • mysterious tricks, such as making things disappear and appear again, performed as entertainment.
  • a quality that makes something seem removed from everyday life, esp. in a way that gives delight : the magic of the theatre.
  • informal something that has such a quality : their seaside town is pure magic.

"Magic is always a turn to the devil"

~~ Rev. Gabriele Amorth, the pope's exorcist

The power of apparently influencing the course of events by using mysterious or supernatural forces.

That God would come to earth born as a human, of a virgin, to be the Messiah to a people-group who hated him and eventually crucify him, only to die and be raised from the dead....

Sounds just a bit mysterious and supernatural to me.

Perhaps someone ought to exorcise the pope's exorcist.

By the way, Mr. Pope's Exorcist, it was Magi who came to visit the babe in the manger and give him money to flee Herod. Magi. They do magic. That's where we get the english word for magic, from the greek magi. It's in the Bible, and they aren't all bad people!!

03 September 2006


Once again I find myself at the cinema alone.

The first film I ever saw alone was The Saint, starring Val Kilmer and some girl.

It was while going to that film at the somewhat new whatever~plex in Tilsonburg Ontario that I lost all the social fear of going out alone to a film.

And tonight, I'm not here to see Crank, an action flick sure to be pure Hollywood drivel starring Jason Statham.

I am here to see Little Miss Sunshine.

Come on people!!!

Steve Carell.

Greg Kinnear.

Toni Collette.

Alan Arkin.

Things I'm learning during the pre-show:

~ how was Mark Wahlberg ever in a boy band?? He's just not pretty enough!

~ John Heder's (or whatever Napolean's name is) career loser is getting more than tired. When can this guy finally get a different role and change his lame stereotype.

~ Telus commercials with computer animated animals are tragically annoying. More annoying is hearing the entire theatre coo while the frog gets wet with the monkey. Seriously, this ad compaign style got old about a year BEFORE Clear-Net was swallowed by Telus.

~ the endless loop of pre-show needs to be longer than 9 minutes.

01 September 2006

dear editor:

I don't usually pay much attention to the Lethbridge Herald, but I was captured by a letter to the editor from a couple days ago, and I have been following the thread of this conversation.

Original letter.

Reply #1.

Reply #2.

Reply #3.

30 August 2006


I figure that Jeremy is much less in biking shape than I, so I went for a real ride before we were scheduled to go, so then I would be tired and he wouldn't bore me with slow cycling.

I bring my Digital Rebel XT and we head to the skate park. There are usually crazy kids there doing death defying stunts, and I want to take pictures of sport action. So that was alright. I've been there on better days. But I never go alone, or I would look like some creepy quasi-pedophile with a camera taking pictures of young boys who are quite often topless.

Then Jeremy and I bike to a nice access point to ride down to the river.

We even went to see the pelicans! There are a group of gigantic pelicans which summer in Lethbridge living off the fish that fall off the damn. Sometimes, they are very close to the shore. I have been within 10 m a few times. But today they were in the middle of the river.

I've been biking in Lethbridge, on average, 15 km per day, 150 days a year, for 4 years. I have never got a flat tire. On Jeremy's first day, within 10 km, he gets a flat.

At that same moment we came to part of the trail with about four huge trees fallen across the path, big enough that the passage is over.

As I stop and turn around, he tells me he's got a flat. He stops about 5 m behind me. As I'm clipping out of my pedals, he says: "did you hear that?!?"

I say: "hear what?"

Side note: the city of Lethbridge has the knowledge of a population of about 50 rattlesnakes which live in the river valley WITHIN city limits!!! I've read all about them on the city web site.

He says: "snake!!"

Me: "are you sure it wasn't a grasshopper?" (One species around here is not so populous, but has a clacking sound which could be akin to a rattlesnake sound to one who is it not fond of snakes at all, and poisonous snakes even less.)

This happens in about second seconds of dialogue, and the next three seconds consist of me leaping off my bike and jumping up waist-high onto the trunk of the fallen tree.

We watch the brush in silence for the next few minutes. Nothing. Jeremy then tells me stories of his bike shop co-workers coming in contact with the rattlesnakes in the valley. Geez!

He moves closer to me and changes his flat while I keep vigilant snake watch.

After 20 minutes and his wife's phone call, his tire is changed and we start climbing over the rest of the felled trees.

As I'm mounting my bike on a narrow part of trail, I hear the evidence of something moving and I look about 1 m to my right to see the ground foliage rustling in a pattern which I can only attribute to a rattlesnake!!

I can't even get both my feet on the pedals and I start running with one foot and cycling with the other!

I get up a bit of a hill and wait for Jeremy, who yells something, and my split second first thought is that he's been bitten and that I'm NOT going back for him.

We keep biking and about another 150 m down the trail there is a 3 m bunny hill thing (straight up -> straight down).

As I crest the hill, there is a snake crossing the path!!!!!!

I instinctively pull my feet up, which is impossible with cleats....and I nearly bail off my bike to side down a hill into the river.

I could have sworn that thing was 2 feet long with a girth of at least 8 inches....but alas, it was a tiny garter snake which Jeremy claims was only 8 inches long, at best.

And that's my cycling story from Sunday. I didn't actually use the O.M.F., but it was definitely on my mind more than once!!!!

25 August 2006

gonorrhea on Valentine's Day

Much of the spam I receive is in text form, with 1 instead of i and @ instead of a.

But this morning, while attempting to highlight multiple spams, this appeared in the preview pane of my Mail application. And I thought it was quite worthy of saving. In all the years, I've never got something quite this good!!!

24 August 2006

makes me laugh

17 August 2006

i did it!

A feat of insurmountable excellence!

I folded all the clean laundry in my room and put it away in the closet.

Normally, I toss it on the bed, and then it gets shoved to the side while I sleep under it, and eventually it all falls on the floor into a huge pile in front of the closet. And I spend a lot of time ironing.

04 August 2006

embrace the eunuch....at least in concept

What I cannot believe is that Peter Robert Joseph Whitmore has unrestricted freedom to move about as he pleases and associate with children.

The best account of 22 July through 2 August can be found here.

Here are the official bulletins from the RCMP: Whitmore wanted, and the missing persons report.

What I find confusing is that Bruyerre was NOT listed as kidnapped, only missing, all the while the authorities KNEW without a doubt that he was with a repeat convicted child sex offender.

This is reminiscent of other cases of double standard "justice". Never forget about the Saskatoon police dropping natives out of city limits in the winter to die from exposure. Or about the infamous 911 phone calls that went unheeded and resulted in the murders of two sisters in Winnipeg. So, here we are again, and just another stupid poor native is merely missing, and not kidnapped. Whatever.

But let's get back to the real problem: repeat offender pedophiles roaming the country freely.

Does this not make you sick? Does this not disgust you?

Once. Twice. Thrice. Geez. Why not permanently prevent a person such as this from sort of behaviour?

Criminals are treated with just a bit too much respect.

02 August 2006

voice wreck-ognition

Yet another reason why you should buy a Mac.

01 August 2006

notice something?

Look to the right, and you will see an icon which indicates my status with Y! Messenger.

Looks like this:

I'm boycotting MSN messenger because they do not have a client for BlackBerry. (Coincidentally, Yahoo does.)

You can get the new MSN Messenger / Windows Live Messenger here. With this new client, you will be able to add Y! contacts to your MSN list. My Y! ID is vbs420.

I will still sign in to MSN, but only when I'm at home and on my Mac, which isn't all that often.

30 July 2006

Excerpts #1 .::. Wolfe on Loneliness .::.

"The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenon, peculiar to myself and to a few other solitary men, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence. When we examine the moments, acts, and statements of all kinds of people--not only the grief and ecstasy of the greatest poets, but also the huge unhappiness of the average soul, as evidenced by the innumerable strident words of abuse, hatred, contempt, mistrust, and scorn that forever grate upon our ears as the manswarm passes us in the streets--we find, I think, that they are all suffering from the same thing. The final cause of their complaint is loneliness.


Sometimes it is nothing but a shadow passing on the sun; sometimes nothing but the torrid milky light of August, or the naked sprawling ugliness and squalid decencies of streets in Brooklyn fading in the weary vistas of that milky light and evoking the intolerable misery of countless drab and nameless lives. Sometimes it is just the barren horror of raw concrete, or the heat blazing on a million beetles of machinery darting through the torrid streets, or the cindered weariness of parking spaces, or the slamming smash and racket of the El, or the driven manswarm of the earth, thrusting on forever in exacerbated fury, going nowhere in a hurry."

Thomas Wolfe

Excerpted from "God's Lonely Man", 1935.

29 July 2006

30 is now 48

Doing laundry today, I noticed that fortune has smiled upon the residents of Ambassador Gardens:

The fourth floor dryer now provides 48 minutes of drying time for $1

I'm back!

16 July 2006

God's love is unconditional

"When her small-town religious friends found out she was a lesbian, they scorned and abandoned her. Her family disowned her. She thought she was alone with nowhere to turn...all simply because she was trying to come out of the darkness and be who she really was.

And when it seemed that there was no more hope, only more darkness, she took her life out of desperation.

We hope that she is somehow able to feel all of the incredible love these wedding couples have for each other. She, above all, would understand that they're just celebrating the infinite diversity of God's creation and His unconditional love.

Because of Doris, and the trials she endured, there's now more hope in this world. It's a hope that was born and then blossomed because of her pain; her gift to all of us."

~ dedication to 'Doris', from "The Complete Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings", K.C. David.

07 July 2006

the laughs just keep rolling in! God bless the internet (except for the porn)


Someone who gives every appearance of being homosexual, but is in fact heterosexual. A fauxmosexual male may display metrosexual attention to hygiene, style, and culture, have an effeminate speech pattern or display effeminate behavoir in gesticulation and mannerism, and/or give the basic impression of being gay. A faumosexual female may be fairly butch in appearance and style, display a militant feminist ("feminazi") attitude toward men, or show strong proclivities toward Lilith Fair or other female empowerment. These are the people you "just know" are gay, but who seem to show proof to the contrary.

06 July 2006


I nearly cried. This is good.

03 July 2006

what is _______?

Maybe Mrs Cartwright had been a hellcat in her youth, Tom thought, maybe she was responsible for every one of her daughter's neuroses, maybe she had clutched her daughter so closely to her that it had been impossible for the daughter to lead a normal life and marry, and maybe she deserved to be kicked overboard instead of walked around the deck and listened to for hours while she talked, but what did it matter? Did the world always mete out just deserts? Had the world meted his out to him? He considered that he had been lucky beyond reason in escaping detection for two murders, lucky from the time he had assumed Dickie's identity until now. In the first part of his life fate had been grossly unfair, he thought, but the period with Dickie and afterwards had more than compensated for it. But something was going to happen now in Greece, he felt, and it couldn't be good. His luck had held just too long. But supposing they got him on the fingerprints, and on the will, and they gave him the electric chair -- could that death in the electric chair equal in pain, or could death itself, at twenty-five, be so tragic, that he could not say that the months from November until now had not been worth it? Certainly not.

Highsmith, Patricia. The Talented Mr Ripley. Penguin Books: London UK, 1955, 244.

30 June 2006

Lois Lane is the Madonna

...and Madonna had sex with Jesus about five years before the Genesis.

Are critics ever right?

How often are they wrong?

Well, with Superman Returns, they are wrong.

But don't let me spoil it for you.

Go see the modern day Messiah for yourself.

(There is no Easter egg.)

[Parker Posey steals the show.]

29 June 2006

.::. i got carded .::.


I was in Waterton on Saturday.

We went for a speed hike. Which was ultimately a waste of time.

Then we went to Cameron Lake and lay on the dock and got sun burnt.

Next we went to the Prince of Wales hotel to use the bathroom.

I was hungry, so I went in the lounge and ordered a pint and a poutine.

Server: "I'll have to see some ID."

Me: hands my operator's licence over to Server.

Server: stares at operator's licence for in inordinate amount of time.

Server: handing back operator's licence: "oh, April...."


I think: what does April have to do with anything?

What about the 197x birth year?

Anthony said she was memorising my address.

Mrs. Unger said she was checking for my sign. Aries or Taurus?

Dodge or Ford?

Waiting for superman is good. Stupid fucking ignorant high school teens suck. They are pissing me off.

If I had a gun......I'd hope for enough bullets to riddle the corpses of these fuckers.

(And now, I bet I'm a threat and CSIS or RCMP are watching me.)

28 June 2006

Israel 1 - palestine 0

I'm tired of hearing about this tiresome and boring conflict.

The land belongs to Israel now. As it once did a long time ago. Any others were just squatting.

As long as Hamas and others promote violence against a soveriegn ruler, or anyone else, they do not deserve sympathy or protection or endorsement from any source.

Good on Israel for stepping up and taking control of a chaotic mess. Hopefully they will finish the task that Joshua started.

21 June 2006

people irritate me

And that is why I'm an introvert.

I could have hurt someone by now!

(The moustache is looking porntastic! Or pimptastic, whichever you prefer.)

13 June 2006

when RSS is too slow for you...

Updated content. That's what the net is all about. And how to manage all that content?


But even that is a bit too slow at times. It's pull technology. And you've got to have some device or service polling and pulling. I may have to wait up to 15 minutes to know when something has been updated!

Well, I stumbled upon MSN Alerts. And I signed up. You will notice a link in the right side navigation window under "more me".

You can sign in to your passport, and then subscribe to the MSN Alerts of my blog! Brilliant service. You choose: MSN messenger alert, email, SMS. I like SMS. Then I know NOW that I've updated myself.

And now you can too.

Thank you for reading, my loyal legion(s) of fan(s). My blog runneth over.

10 June 2006

sexier than Tom Jones .::. part 2

In honour of Burton Cummings, I am growing a moustache. I started today by not shaving my upper lip. For those who don't know me, this will be a long and arduous web journey. It will take about 3 months. I usually only have to shave twice a week.

Shave #1

The last time I didn't shave, it was for the summer of 1998. I did get a decent moustache, but the rest only looked like patchy dirt from a day working around dirt. It was not impressive at all. However, my moustache will be blond. And the ends of it, if I remember correctly, will flow freefully into my mouth.


09 June 2006

sexier than Tom Jones

Randy Bachman and Burton Cummings are back again on a tour across Canada: First Time Around 2006.

I'm too giddy to write about it now, however, here is the song list from the show, along with my liner notes, typed on my BlackBerry live during the concert.

I didn't even have tickets. At $76 each, I wasn't even in the market. However, I got a call 4 minutes before the opening act started, my friend Scott had two extra tickets and wanted to know if I wanted them.

Third row centre, on the floor. Literally, 15 feet from Randy and Burton.


american woman

albert flasher

these eyes

you ain't seen nothing yet

(I need more cow bell!!)

timeless love

clap for the wolfman

let it ride

hand me down world

no sugar tonight / new mother nature

prairie town

fine state of affairs

hey you

(I need more piano cam!!)


(Burton on FLUTE!!!)


star baby

looking out for number 1

got my own way to rock

(only Dave scats more than Burton)

break it to them gently

no time


share the land


takin care of business

(my head hurts from screaming)

06 June 2006

my breath smells like cat food

Tonight, I finally crashed my wagon, broke down and purchased a Safeway meatloaf. Not just any old loaf, but rather a homestyle meatloaf, precooked, ready to eat, and fresh from the Safeway oven.....four hours ago.....and only $6.99!!

I had to dig down through all the $7.99 precooked, ready to eat, fresh from the Safeway oven, homestyle slow roasted chickens to find a meatloaf. And for my toils, there was not one, but three meatloafs. Or is it meatloaves?

I got to smell the glorious meatloaf all the way home! I could barely contain my glee! The homestyle meatloaf is topped with a rich tomato glaze! (I think it is burnt ketchup.)

Well, I was not fully disappointed. Though I do believe I now know how cat food must taste. Perhaps not cat food. Maybe a step above, university or military food.

However, I am still in awe of one thing, which also happens to be the catalyst for this post, the surprising unexpected ingredient.

Dehydrated potato.

Not plural, but singular.

Here is my challenge to you, oh blog reader, find a surprising and unexpected ingredient in any item of prepared food.

Items disallowed are:
- unpronounceable chemicals, additives, colours, and/or flavours
- notations to indicate kosher-ness
- allergy cautioning

Basically, it's got to be real food stuff, but also on-label and surprising and unexpected.

Let's all get fat and malnourished together!

This post was brought to you by:

Research In Motion

BlackBerry 7100r

Rogers Wireless / Rogers Sans Fils

And my left thumb.

05 June 2006

CD Rom #23

CD Rom #23

The Lord is my icon
I shall not font
He maketh me to download the good software
He leadeth me beside the cool websites
He rebooteth my soul

Yea though I surf through the virus of the email of death
I shall spam no porno
For Thou files art with me
Thy mouse and Thy pad, they comfort me

Thou preparest a webcam for me in the presence of my buddy list
Thou annointest my disc with zip
My blog runneth over
Surely hotmail and myspace will follow me all the days of my life
And I will dwell in this house
With mom, for ever and ever
Are you sure you want to say amen?


Live long and prosper

~~written and performed by John Wing Jr. on DNTO~~

29 May 2006

match point

Match Point

Brilliant. Fucking brilliant.

I have never seen a Woody Allen film that I didn't completely love. And this was no exception.

"It would be fitting if I were apprehended...and punished. At least there would be some small sign of justice; some small measure of hope for the possibility of meaning."
~~Chris Wilton

In some bizarre, twisted, way, I completely love Chris' character. There's something so Thomas Ripley about him.

I don't know if it's the complete psychopath, or the coming from nothing and obtaining great riches and fortune through alternative means which attracts me, but I have empathy for Chris Wilton (and Thomas Ripley as well).

I've got to admit, I was cussing up a storm (mostly from the pinot noir) when Chris was having an affair with Nola. Love/lust. What are these? Nothing. Sex? Nothing. Meaningless and decadent. Meaningful and boring. Who the fuck cares? I certainly don't. So, I was a bit angered that Chris was having the affair with Nola, considering how much he was giving up, how much he was going to sacrifice. And this, only because it has been a life-long fantasy of mine to marry into wealth, so much so that I WOULD NEVER FUCK THAT UP WITH SOME AMERICAN TRAMP.

However, we see a bit of reality coming home to Chris when he discovers that Nola is pregnant. I find it so quaint that the fowl temptress begs him to "do the right thing" by leaving his wife for her. (???) The "right thing" would have been for Nola to get an(other) abortion. [Sidenote] Whores and sluts need abortions. That she has had two abortions already makes Nola extremely questionable. Lesbians and thespians don't need abortions. [/Sidenote]

But Nola had to be a pushy bitch. Salut salope! Curtain rises for Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction! I cannot condone infidelity in any form, but the greater of two evils is the jealous whore. The wife takes precidence by covenantal default. Chris Wilton does the right thing by removing the whore.

The inner turmoil of 'does he get away with it?' / 'does he not get away with it?' was nearly intoxicating. But in the end....

"I don't care if he's great, I just hope he's lucky..."
~~Tom Hewitt

26 May 2006

why are people so stupid?

My phone number is one digit away from the Government of Alberta.

If a person changes my 5 to 0, then you'll be calling the Government. Similarly, if that 0 is changed to a 5, then you call me.

So then, how is it that a person screws this up? A 5 and a 0 are not similar at all! They are not beside each other on a telephone keypad. A caller would have to skip over a second row to dial the 5.

And it's not smart people either. These callers are the type of people looking for welfare cheques, or child support enforcement, or free health care.

Come on! If you're going to be a social burden, a leech, and a general life sucking drain on the economy, at least you could figure out how use a telephone!

And this has nothing to do with the greater Cleveland cab company, for which I also get phone calls from drink people late at night.

That took me over a year to figure out. But one day, someone finally called in the middle of the day, sober, and was able to tell me which company they were calling. I googled it, and soon discovered this: take off the 4 of their area code, and add a 0 to end of the number, and presto! through the magic of the PSTN, you ring up my mobile!

At least those people aren't social leeches; they've got money and are trying to spend it to further stimulate the economy.

Whenever I see that Ohio code on the call display, I now have fun with it.

When some poor old senior calls me instead of one of the King's civil slaves, I explain that the number was dialled incorrectly. You're old! What can you do?

But when it's some welfare bum, or aggressively passive social drain, I just hang up. Or press ignore, continually sending a busy tone down the line. It's my little gift to the ignorant and lazy.

Perhaps you should have learned your abc's and 123's before dropping out of grade 4 and becoming useless.

25 May 2006

why is it?

Why is it that I not only know all the words to every song of Pink Floyd's epic album The Wall, but I can also sing it in its entirety accapella AND in character?

More from jPod:

Your stripper name is derived from the cheapest form of sugar or sweetener you have had today.

Brown Sugar
Pure Cane
Sweet Chili Pepper
Turkish Apricot
Mentos! The Fresh Maker!
Winterfresh Colgate
Small Fries

24 May 2006

"Welcome to Coffee Talk, I'm your host, Linda Richman"

Mike Myers, during the golden years of SNL, dressed up as his mother-in-law and hosted a television show dedicated to Barbara Streisand.

On occassion, Linda Richman (aka: Myers) would become emotional and declare: "I'm so verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic: ____________, discuss."

The topic was typically some ironic vignette, or at least a twist on a phrase.
  • Hot dogs. They're neither hot, nor dogs. Discuss.

  • Rhode Island. It's not a road, nor an island. Discuss.

  • The Thighmaster. It's not a thigh, nor a master. Discuss.

  • The Romanesque church design was based on a Roman basillica. Discuss.

  • Ralph Fiennes' name is neither spelled Rayph, nor Fines. Discuss.

Inside the front cover of jPod in amongst all the other text, is this little easter egg:

Cigar smoking totally looks like fellatio, and it's considered manly. Discuss.

A couple more, just because they make me laugh:

I'm not lazy; I'm aggressively passive.

If you had to choose one person in your office who would come in one morning with a rifle and blow everyone to bits, who would it be? Just remember, it's the second-most-likely person who always does it, not the first.

21 May 2006

how does a person get a job at Chapters and NOT know who Coupland is?

When in Calgary on Friday, I went to the Chapters at Sunridge to buy my copy of Douglas Coupland's new novel jPod.

I walked into Chapters expecting the larger-than-life-lego marketing display near the front. Near Starbucks. Near the middle. Near something. Near nothing. There was no display to market the book. jPod was not even on the back wall of bestsellers. In fact, I had to go to the stacks to find a copy, and there was only one copy!!

Disturbed, but not caring, I took my copy up to the cashiers. (Why does every Chapters have 15 cashier tills, but there are never more than two cashiers working?) The cashier made no comment on my purchase. Not even a beep. I suggested to her that I was expecting a display, if not fans dressed up in character. She looked at me quizzically. I told her that, for example, harry potter is less than NOTHING compared to a Coupland novel. Then she offers: "oh, him...yeah, I think I've heard of him".

I don't usually want to hit people, but when I do, it's warranted. I just couldn't believe someone who works in a book store...a fucking book store!...had no idea who I was talking about. I felt like Meg Ryan in Fox Books in the children's section when the crackly-voiced-teenaged-minimum-waged-worker didn't know about the ballerina shoe series.

I like Coupland because I like his characters. I can relate to them because they live in a world I am familiar with. Corporate consumer capital western culture. CCCWC. The new CCCP.

I now have a headache from reading. jPod is 515 pages. I started yesterday morning when I woke up. And though I took a couple of breaks for odd errands, I finished less than 36 hours later.

Not one of his best works, but very good.

Two thumbs up.

9.5 out of 10.

I'll forgive the cashier for being stupid, as long as she is from Edmonton and now in Calgary searching for a better life.

"Looking into his eyes was like staring into a well of drowned toddlers."

I am not of this world.

I am engrossed.

I am in Vancouver.

08 May 2006


Je commencerai mes leçons du français à l'Université de Lethbridge.

07 May 2006

my legs have no hair: the windy epic

For some reason known only to the political powers of Western Canada, municipalities do not salt roads in winter, they merely sand. Coming from Southern Ontario, where salt reigns supreme, I find this trend to be quite displeasing. First of all, salt is good for the environment. It is natural to the ground; that's where salt comes from. Salt also melts with the snow, as it melts the snow, and washes away. Plus, I'm certain that the auto manufacturers, if not only Buzz and the hard working people of the CAW, pay for the salt, because it rusts out cars, and the more cars that get rusty, the more cars need to be replaced, and the more cars need to be replaced, effects more money for the manufacturers and effects more work for the unions.

But not so on the Prairie. On the Prairie, it's just sand. The problem with sand is that it is not good for the environment, does not aid the auto industry, and it does not melt away with the snow.

Every spring Lethbridge becomes a veritable sand trap. The city of Lethbridge (union) workers go around with street cleaners and clean up all that sand. But if they're anything like la ville du Montréal (union) workers, then it will take 15 union workers 12 days to clean up 2 kg of sand from 10 m of street. (Which is about the rate at which this task is usually accomplished.)

Another thing about Lethbridge is the wind. I use the term wind loosely. Today's report from The Weather Network reveals the forecast to be "gusts: 56 km/h". This is always an understatement.

As I was walking the eight blocks from my flat to Mocha (where I am now sitting and enjoying Gotan Project on my iPod headphones), those gusts of wind picking up all that ^&*% sand was virtually sandblasting the hair off my legs and arms. I've likely got about 500 g of sand stuck to the product in my hair. (Had to throw that in, makes me sound all metro.)

"Gotan Project?" you say?

Yes. The Gotan Project. Believe me, if you know me at all, you will know that this is completely and totally not my style.

Roman Polanski is a world renowned film director. One of my favourite Polanski films is Frantic. Likely because Emmanuelle Seingner is fantastically gorgeous, and Harrison Ford is one of my favourite actors, based upon the father figure quotient.
(From the acting roles, not the fame, noteriety, or vast financial wealth, who would I most desire to have had as my father? Topping the list would be Harrison Ford and Mel Gibson. Bad-ass father: Al Pacino. Lady's man swinging I-don't-know-who-my-mother-really-is: Cary Grant {but if he was my father, then I would choose Sophia Loren for a mother, even if they never got married}.)
In the film, the Grace Jones song i've seen that face before (libertango) was on the soundtrack, as well as being a musical focal point of the film. I had always associated that song with the film, and as such, always thought of Paris in the 80's when I heard it. I think it's a stellar track, which is a bit odd, because I don't really care for anything else Jones has recorded.

The Sarah Vaughan song whatever lola wants from Verve's Remixed 2 release was remixed by Gotan Project.

If you play the Jones song and immediately follow it with the Vaughan/Gotan remix, you won't be able to not notice the similarity.

Having re-watched Frantic recently, and then finding myself determined to discover the song from the soundtrack, only to realise that it sounds quite like the remix, I decided to check out more of Gotan Project.

And they are fantastically stellar!
(Environmentally friendly, I am now recycling and reusing adjectives previously used within this post.)

At the mall yesterday, I checked out HMV's selection of Gotan Project. Limited. And lunático is $19!!! Lunático at iTunes Music Store is merely $9.99.

Which brings us to the final question: how much is the media worth? In this case, apparently $10.33 (factoring in HMV's $18.99 + GST less iTMS). I'm sorry, but paying more than double the price just to have the media is most often not worth it.


What would Jesus pay?

Jesus would buy the iTMS download and spend the rest on expensive perfume.

06 May 2006

M.I.-3 update

Bono said that love is blindness.

I say that love is bull shit.

(Great effects. At least Ethan married this girl before falling for her. But other than that, it's the same recycled story from M.I.-2 but with a white girl and set in Shanghai.)

I am seeing this movie for Phillip Seymour-Hoffman and Lawrence Fishburne

I really don't know why so many people "hate" Tom Cruise. If he is insane, it's a direct result from being married to that Aussie trash Kidman.

And yes, it is true: I go to movies alone. It's easier that way.

I think I just sat in a seat frequented by fat or obese patrons; the cushion was quite flat as was the backrest. Telltale signs of fat people having been seated here before me.

I like coming alone to matinees because I get to see all the other people who come alone. It's never women. It's always men. What does that say about gender roles and expectations in our Canadian society? What does that say about me?

Oh goodness. 15 more minutes until the movie starts.

Notice how the evolution of pre-show fodder has..evolved? First it was just the local radio station (in the 70's). Then it was private in-house audio. Then it was the unobtrusive slide show. But now? It's the garishly over-produced digital video monstrosity that forces me to bring my iPod and BlackBerry so that I can entertain myself while being productive.

Show time!

03 May 2006

the producer

He's a bit of an enigma. Always making me listen to rancid filthy audio clips he gets from the toilet bowl trap of the internet. But today...this one was actually kind of funny.

I think it's from the Howard Stern show.

Views expressed are not those of i5.
Listener Discretion is advised.

30 April 2006

27 April 2006

waiting with "george"

Waiting for the Via train this morning in Kitchener to take me to Toronto, it seemed apparent that Mark and I would need to wait on the platform outside the station as we were having too much fun with puns, which was not so much fun for those around us.

Eating my Tim Hortons muffin, I declare: "my muffin is finished already?"

Mark gives a confused look.

To which I reply: "I never eat the stump."

More confusion. I then explain the muffin stump / top of the muffin Seinfeld to Mark.

Some guy down the platform quips: "did you see the episode with the shrimp? 'the ocean called, they're running out of shrimp'".

To which I reply: "George, the jerkstore called, they're running put of you!"

Then the guy comes over and starts talking to me. [hint: BIG MISTAKE, I'm anti-social] "You're calling the shots."

Me: what?

Guy: you're calling the shots.

Me: ???

Guy pulls put his operator's licence. His middle name is George. Now he's convinced that I'm some kind of mystic or prophet because he thinks I called him by his name, when in fact I misquoted a Seinfeld punchline. (And in a twist of a word, I suppose I also called him a jerk, because the jerkstore ran out of him.

George walks away and minds his business. Mark and I exchange looks and start making plans of what to do if George tries to sit near us on the train, or tries to talk to us on the train.

I turn my head to see where our new friend is at, and George is staring right at me, and gives me the two fingered peace sign while sticking out his tongue. (Maybe it was more than the peace sign, and some allusion to some sex act which I partially understood. But I won't flatter myself with George.)

He walks back to us. "you're calling the shots man; you know my name!"

Me: it was complete coincidence that I quoted Jason Alexander, and that your name is George.

George: no it wasn't. You're calling the shots. Peace.

George walks away down the tracks and appears to disappear. Later we see him run across the tracks, sit on an old milk crate and start smoking / polishing his gun.

I says to Mark, I says: "sure, George is weird now, but next thing we know, he's on the news for killing his family because he was lonely and couldn't find friends even on the internet."

Then we see the train approaching and George does not get up to come back across the tracks. But then he jumps up and sprints across and stays at the end of the platform. He stands beyond the yellow lines, right beside the train, with his arms raised in a 'V'.

Mark and I board the train, and watch George on the platform. We're not sure what he was doing, or planning on doing, but he talked with a Via employee, and then didn't board the train.

I patiently waiting for the bomb to explode somewhere between Milton and Mimico.

23 April 2006

Kingston Ontario

I managed to get through the final five days of work (including three "business" lunches).

I managed to get through my final exam. Three hours of philosophy regurgitation; I think I did quite well considering the level of studying I accomplished.

I managed to make an emergency drive to Calgary for parts for work, there and back on Friday evening.

Then I took a prop plane, then a jet plane, then another prop plane, to finally land in Kingston on Saturday night. Three thousand six hundred seventy-four kilometers across Canada, and it's raining in every city. (Lethbridge, Calgary, Toronto, Kingston.)

It's still raining right now.

I finally went climbing today. Stephen took me to the Boiler Room for my birthday. It was a fantastic experience. Thanks, Stephen. I will definitely be going back to the Ascent Climbing Centre in Lethbridge for more climbing.

Sorry, no photos. But I did climb the chimney.

18 April 2006


I was recently privied to the stash of dvd's in my housemate's room.

"Feel free to watch whatever you want, my son."

In the extensive pile I found The Godfather, parts 1 and 3. No sugar coating this one, I'm getting straight to the point.


Worst movie ever!

Now, that's in contrast to it somehow winning best picture in 1972, and to somehow being #1 on IMDB. Had I not known these two stats, I may have been a bit more forgiving.

Terrible. I have officially wasted 6 hours of my life I will NEVER get back. These were worse than Dead Poets Society.

The last 20 minutes of #3 were so brutal, I watched them at 8x speed, just to get through it all. And I agree, Sophia was a horrible actor. I nearly cheered when she finally died! Why Vincent would find his fat cousin attractive, I do not know.

Now, aside from it being too long and too boring, there were just too many unanswered stories. That 45 minute wedding scene at the beginning of part 1, and I don't even know who got married! Oh wait, now I remember, the groom was in two other scenes, one where he beats his stupid wife (and she needed it, damn! she was a bitch!) and the next where he gets strangled in a car.

The movie is supposed to be about Michael, yet his wedding to Kay doesn't even happen! And why would she just jump in the car with him and drive off to the mafia country estate?


And Brando winning best actor? For what? I couldn't even hear or understand what he was saying most of the time!

In every scene, with any event that occurred, it took far too long. I could likely edit those 6 hours down to 2, and you'd still know the whole story!

I don't even want to bother with #2, because I already know that he dies.


But then again, take a look at some of the films in the top 250 at IMDB. It's sad. Really sad. The top 250 movies in POPCORN SALES perhaps!

Flame me if you want, but know that you're wrong if you thought this movie is deserving of all the hype.

09 April 2006


The last time I was in costco was about 1995. I went with my smother to the south London location. It was big and stupid and all the people scurried around like rats in a Kolkotta slum/junkyard.

The thing about the elite memberships and the fact that only some things are cheaper really soured me to the whole experience. Plus, the items I was checking out were not any cheaper than buying them at my local friendly customer oriented grocery store in my town which was a couple blocks walking distance away, instead of a 40 minute drive.

Since that initial visit, I have boycotted this retail behemoth. And for good reason. The place is still a complete freaking rat nest.

An obese woman and her obese teenage son walked past me with several cases of water in their Kia sized shopping cart. And I paused to consider why two people so fat would be in such a state buying (and therefore likely consuming) merely water. Then I saw the rest of the cart laden with case upon case of sweetened carbonated beverages in cans: pop. How many people are in that family? How often do they come to costco? What is the thrill in spending money at a big box retail giant that does little or nothing to support the local economy (that is, unless you own shares in the costco).

Costco and its cousins of ultramatic utilitarian consumerism exploit everyone at every link in the chain from producer to consumer. It's thoroughly disgusting that we've allowed this sort of retail society to ruin local business and then force everyone to shop here because no other stores are left open in the aftermath of the retail wars.

I will be keeping my debit card in my wallet, thank you. That is, until we get to Superstore.

06 April 2006

being and doing

If I hear one more person slagging Brokeback Mountain, I will shake my fist at that person while proclaiming for all to hear:

You are an ignorant ape!

I have yet to listen to an intelligent, thought out, argument which is against the film. And until such time as someone can bring forth such an argument, please shut your cake-hole about it! The original short story, the screenplay, and the resulting film are all brilliant. One cannot deny the inherent greatness of the story for its raw emotion and passion and ability to produce an emotional response (even if the emotion is based in fear and ignorance) through exploring the lives and resulting struggles of the characters.

Now, for those who slag the film (or the story or the actors or the director or the caterer who fed all those people), there are only ever two reasons for such unwarranted condemnation: ignorance and fear. Ignorance I can deal with. But fear?

Yes, fear. Homophobia and/or homoerotophobia. The fear of homosexuals and/or the fear of being sexually aroused by homosexuality. Of these two fears, there are typically two groups of people who hold them: secular and sacred. I will first deal with the secular.

Homo(eroto)phobia for the secular person is typically borne of ignorance, or more often of disgust. When rooted in ignorance, there is no excuse. Get over it. When rooted in disgust, I would challenge on this point: most males who are homophobic are only unipolar in that fear; they fear homosexual men, but for some unconceivable, incontrovertible, reason accept (and often want to embrace) homosexual women. This is completely illogical. Homosexuality, whether male or female, is the same thing. Just as heterosexuality, whether male or female, is the same thing. And with the absence of logic, you're merely stupid, and you have no point and no argument.

I've had numerous conversations with a friend who is extremely homophobic, out of ignorance. Somewhere along the path to enlightenment, he has misunderstood both physiology and sexuality (which amounts to sexology). The types of nerve cells which form the glans, are the very same cells which form the clitoris, and surprisingly (for the ignorant) the anus. If g is P and c is P and a is P, then P = g = c = a. Where P is pleasure, g is glans, c is clitoris, and a is anus. Here is some news for you homoerotophobic people: anal sex can be pleasurable! And many, many heterosexual couples practice this from of sex.

The sacred person is altogether totally different in motivation, but equal in outcome.

Now, I may not have a degree in theology, or know koine Greek, or have ever been able to read Hebrew, but I can read English, and have read the Bible several times in its entirety. And I can assure you that when compared, heterosexuality and homosexuality, there is far more damaging judgment passed against heterosexuality than there is against homosexuality. I am not here and now going to argue point by point any homophobic prooftext. (And believe me when I say, I know all the passages you are going to bring up, and I know that all of them are misread and misunderstood and misrepresented. Anytime, anyplace, I am ready to argue you on this.)

But for the sacred, this argument transcends mere homosexuality versus heterosexuality. It actually attains a plateau of generalisation so seldom found in the "church", that it's actually quite laughable in its idiocy. Allow me to explain further.

Love the sinner. Hate the sin.

If I ever hear of anything more illogical than that statement, I will definitely let you know by posting it on this blog.

This is purely etymological.

Verb X becomes an agent noun with the addition of the suffix -er. An agent noun is the thing which performs the action of the verb. Verb X becomes a present participle with the addition of the suffix -ing. A present participle is the ongoing action or state of the noun, and functions as an adjective (the modifier of a noun or pronoun).

  • (to) farm
  • farmer
  • farming

A farmer is one who farms, and is considered to be farming, typically at all times, even when on vacation. This is the farmer's occupation: farming. No one would deny that these three are intrinsically related to each other. If one is omitted then the other two cease to make any sense. A farmer not farming?

The being and the doing are so interrelated, interwoven, intertwined, with each other, that it is impossible for us to understand the being apart from the doing. In fact, it cannot be understood rationally. To claim understanding is a misnomer and a mistake.

Whether this is meant to be or ought to be, being and doing are virtually the same thing. One cannot describe oneself with being some thing, or doing that same thing. And it is in this that within the soul, the two meld together to a point at which one can no longer distinguish between the being and doing.

Am I a farmer, or am I merely farming? Am I farming because I am a farmer, or am I a farmer because I am farming?

But none would likely argue with me on this, as farmers are usually viewed as generous people and the occupation of farming is usually understood as something which is amoral.

Now let us consider this in the most general of all sets of terms: sin, sinner, sinning. Considering the above argument, please explain to me how one can set these three apart from each other. Please explain how the other two can exist without the presence of the third. Please explain how you can hate farming and not hate the farmer. (Though I have requested an explanation, I know that none will be provided, because it is logically and rationally impossible to provide such an explanation which has any merit or contains any value.) The farmer, in his being, has defined and finds definition in doing the farming. They are inseparable.

"...we've compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us" (Romans 3:23, The Message).

The verb. The agent noun. The present participle.

Sin. Sinner. Sinning.

Farm. Farmer. Farming.

Being and doing.

When you "hate the sin", you also hate the sinner.

Where there is hate, there is no love.

"You're familiar with the old written law, 'Love your friend,' and its unwritten companion, 'Hate your enemy.' I'm challenging that. I'm telling you to love your enemies" (Matthew 5:43-44, The Message).

"Jesus said, 'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself'" (Matthew 22:37-39, The Message).

Now you, who is definitely a sinner, yet claiming to hate sin, but loving yourself, claim to hate sinning and love sinner? But in reality it means that you also love your sin, because you fail to cease sinning.

Explain then how this is acceptable when considering yourself, but it is unacceptable when considering others? That others suddenly come under some alternate rule of authority; tongue-in-cheek you are claiming to hate and love the same thing but all the while actually only hating. Vehemently spitting out venomous accusations against a person who cannot differentiate farmer from farming (and neither can you), while you pretend to differentiate sinner from sinning. But you cannot! The two are inseparable! Hypocrite! Even though you claim to separate and differentiate this in others, in yourself you continue to love both.

Loving people you do not want to love is an act of grace. And grace is the only guiding principle which is completely and utterly unique to the church. Ironically, it is also the only guiding principle which is most often absent from the church.

So please stop spouting off this rhetorical cliché about loving sinners and hating sinning, when in reality, you're simply hating everyone and everything who is not being and doing what you think they ought to be being and doing. You're only making a fool of yourself, and a mockery of Jesus.

Back to Brokeback Mountain. If you haven't seen it, then go rent it. Let me know, and then we can schedule a time for me to discuss why you wish to remain ignorant.

04 April 2006

the complications of poker

The following is in answer to the previously posted question. It has been submitted for grading, but not yet graded.

Dismissing the impossibility and improbability that a game of poker could and would be played by HAL, C-3PO, Data, and Agent Smith, one can begin to understand the events which unfolded during that game which ultimately dealt out the shooting of Data by Smith. But it is not just the single hand or this one game which ultimately contribute to understanding what went terribly wrong. The character of each must be considered, even if only in brief, to begin to realise the complications of poker.

C-3PO, being a protocol droid, has a relatively stable character. His programming is such that his only legitimate functions are to assist with etiquette, customs, and translation, in the service of his owner. His attendance at this particular game of poker is quite suspect that he was there of his own will, as he must have been ordered to be there for some unknown cause for his master. Data, though slightly more autonomous than C-3PO, can be relied upon, as his mood and demeanour are quite predictable. Data experienced developmental growth which is in many ways human-like.

The contrasting elements in this particular poker game are HAL and Smith. HAL has a known history of violence, which is not limited to the murders of all the members, but one, of the Discovery. Furthermore, knowing that HAL killed Frank Poole over losing a game of chess, it seems rather odd that he would fold his hand peacefully and without further retaliation later in an effort to preserve himself (or his finances). Agent Smith poses the greatest problems: The Matrix. Is this game inside or outside The Matrix?

Inside The Matrix, no wrong was done by Smith by his shooting of Data. Smith’s programmed purpose is to remove the systemic anomalies from The Matrix, thereby preserving its integrity and ability to continue functioning. Inside The Matrix, Smith is doing his job, and the other players are characters of fiction: second layer. (Meaning, characters of fiction inside of a world of fiction, hence the second layer.) The other three players also do not have a human counterpart plugged into The Matrix serving as a battery to support the machines. Shooting, or even killing, Data does nothing in the real world outside The Matrix.

The Oracle revealed that certain programs of The Matrix cease to be useful and are then deleted. Yet a program can hide itself and avoid detection and therefore avoid deletion. Smith was one of these programs slated for deletion. Smith’s utility had ended, which occurred simultaneously with his own self-transformation into a rogue program. He began to serve his own interests and began to sacrifice the good of the machines to which he owed his existence. Because his actions were going to bring down society, the greatest good for the society would be maximised through his deletion. Wrongly avoiding deletion, Smith not only minimised the good of the majority, he also usurped the entire utilitarian system of the machines.

In order for Smith to exist outside The Matrix, he must infect a human conduit and use it as a type of proxy server to interact with the physical world. To be able to attend this poker game, Smith has used a person as an end to his own means. This is in defiance of the second formulation of Kant’s categorical imperative. Smith was wrong to use Hugo Weaving to attend this poker game (who else serves Smith as a perfect physical representation of Smith, other than Weaving?).

Having caused the demise of the utilitarian society of which he is part, then using a person as a means to his own ends, Smith attends a poker game in which the stakes were high and the rules of engagement unknown. If it is customary to draw a weapon and shoot an opponent over a bluff, then Smith was in the right, acting accordingly. But for a custom to be permissible, it must first be law, something dictated or legislated by a ruler. But this would be illogical, for the purpose of poker is winning, and winning includes bluffing. A poker game also includes losing, as there is only one winner and several losers. But if Smith is right, then there is nothing customary and therefore nothing lawful about his reaction to the hand played, and his shooting of Data is therefore not immoral. This situation ultimately asserts that the poker game is in a state of war, as it is without a ruler to whom the players have given their allegiance. However, the game of poker does have a set of legislated rules, brought forth by whatever sovereign supreme ruler or body of legislative representatives saw fit to make it so, and this set of rules includes losing and accepting the loss without reacting in violence.

The forks of the triad of the complications of this poker game all point to Smith’s guilt and wrongful actions. First, he defied the maximisation of the good of his society by avoiding deletion as a rogue program, then he used Hugo Weaving as a means to his own end to attend the poker game at which he lost bitterly, finally drawing a weapon and shooting Data, acting outside of the laws governing the game.

But it must be remembered that in a hand of poker where all players but one fold, the player who remains in the hand is not required to reveal the cards. In a friendly game, it is often the case that the bluffer will reveal the hand, if only to boast about how good the bluff was. Yet it would be a stretch to consider this to be a friendly game, considering the company (at least two murderers and one armed). Data would not be cheating, as this is against his programming, even in the event that his cheating could save lives (as demonstrated in episode 12 of season 2: “The Royale”). Data ought not to have revealed his cards, which was the cause of Smith’s effect. It was all but one link in a chain of events in a system of causality.


Anderson, Ardis. Philosophy 1000 A Class Notes. Lethbridge AB: University of Lethbridge, 21 February - 30 March 2006.

Bailey, Andrew. First Philosophy. Peterborough ON: Broadview Press, 2002.

C-3PO. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C3po. 4 April 2006.

Frank Poole. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Poole. 4 April 2006.

HAL 9000. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HAL_9000. 4 April 2006.

New Oxford American Dictionary, 2nd Edition.

STARTREK.COM : Episode. http://www.startrek.com/startrek/view/series/TNG/episode/68382.html. 4 April 2006.

The Space Odyssey series. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Odyssey. 4 April 2006.

31 March 2006

BlackBerry thought for your day

Aside from the resurrection, is there anything better than Apple?

26 March 2006

why is life so sad?

I'm trying to understand why life is so sad.

It seems as though there are those who are, for lack of a word, blessed. And then the rest are just fucked.

It's hard to know where I am. I have a home. I am warm and dry and have clothes to wear. I have food to eat and wine to drink. I also have a job, which gives me something to do to earn money to so that I can pay for these other things. And those few things are quite a bit more than most people on the planet have.

But then I want to know why it is that I feel left out. Is it my fault that I am in a cocoon, sheltered from everything by the web that I wove around myself. Did I weave the web? Did someone else just stick me inside of it and weave it around me. My mother is Shelob and I am Frodo.

I am abandoned. I am desperate. I am lonely. I am unloved. I am what I am. I possess no beauty because none have found me beautiful. Because I think, therefore I am.

My heart has but one beat left in it. Who will feel it?

25 March 2006

one can make an acronym out of anything

Lying in bed this morning on a lazy Saturday, I was reminiscing back to days long past when I recalled a club of sorts that was once founded in my high school. I don't think we ever had any meetings or a social structure, or much of a club in the traditional sense, now that I think about it at length.

However, we did have a name! Men against girls eternally neglecting them agree christian overly uninvolved girls are really stupid.

Magenta Cougars.

20 March 2006

H.E. is a misnomer

Harper appointed Emerson as a cabinet minister, though he was from another party.

The issue was a bit tricky to fully understand. Was Emerson appointed minister before or after switching from the Liberals to the Convservatives? Does it matter?

There are two issues here:
  • appointment of a person to cabinet
  • the infectious floor-crossing

There is no rule that dictates that the PM must choose cabinet from currently elected MPs, or MPs from his own party. The PM is actually free to choose to appoint to cabinet whomever the PM desires. Read about it in this wiki article.

The floor-crossing of Emerson is at best disgusting.

The appointment of a Liberal to a Conservative cabinet is at best bizarre.

Democracy dictates that Emerson should have remained a Liberal, but still be admitted to cabinet.

I have no issue with the PM appointing anyone, but I do have issue with liars. Emerson is a liar.

19 March 2006


In an effort to combine financial responsibility with frugality and the food on hand, I have come into a new era of dismal cookery:

Curried hash browns

12 March 2006

ski the Castle

Went skiing at Castle yesterday.

Total snowfall this year: 805 cm.

It was also "demo day" at Castle. That's when all the major ski manufacturers come and bring next year's skis to the hill for people to try. I got a pair of mid fat skis from Head. I have now decided that I must get another pair of skis for next year. The fat skis are so much more suited to the powder. I was sad to bring them back and strap on my carvers again.

Riding the chair lift enables one to meet interesting and unique people. Yesterday certainly provided for some entertaining lifts:
  • ski patroller who will celebrate his 20th year patrolling next year

  • farmer from near Swift Current who skis all winter

  • a U of L student who works at Alpenland

  • a Team Canada Skeleton athlete, who was at the Olympics in Turin

What's that?

Did I say a farmer from Swift Current?

Yes, I did say that I met Carla Pavan, member of Canada's National Skeleton Team.

We had a great conversation about sport and the differences between real sport and celebrity sport, and where the real athletes are. It was a transcendant experience that I will likely remember for a long time. At least a month. And really, we were transcending the mountain together.

Aside from the thrill of meeting this outstanding athelete, I can now also claim that I'm 1 degree separated from gold medal olympian Duff Gibson.

paper #2 topic

Mr Data (Star Trek TNG), C3PO (Star Wars), Hal (Space Odyssey) and Agent Smith (The Matrix) were playing poker.

Agent Smith’s eyes gleam as the pot grows. He struggles to contain his excitement. He is holding a full house, Qs full of 8s.

But Mr. Data seems so unbelievably calm. Data antes up without a quiver.

Hal says “I’m sorry Data. I can’t...” his voice trails off, and he folds.

Next up, C3PO pushes his chair back from the table, “R2 says the chances of survival are seven-hundred and twenty-five to one. I fold."

Agent Smith stares at Mr. Data. “How could this be?” he thinks. “That huge pot is so very close!” Finally, Data’s unwavering gaze unnerves him and Agent Smith folds.

As Mr. Data claimed the pot he flipped his hand over to reveal a pair of 6s. Agent Smith flew into a rage.

He tipped the table over, drew a weapon, and shot Mr. Data.

Question: Did Agent Smith do something morally wrong?

I got 71% on my first paper; I was too creative, and I suppose therefore not philosophical.

05 March 2006


How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd...

Love is a concept, by which we measure our pain.

I'll say it again

Love is a concept, by which we measure our pain.2

(1)Alexander Pope from Eloisa to Abelard.

(2)Twisted from John Lennon's God.

Homer's marriage advice

27 February 2006

selected reading from Capote's In Cold Blood

You are a man of extreme passion, a hungry man not quite sure where his appetite lies, a deeply frustrated man striving to project his individuality against a backdrop of rigid conformity. You exist in a half-world suspended between two superstructures, one self-expression and the other self-destruction. You are strong, but there is a flaw in your strength, and unless you learn to control it the flaw will prove stronger than your strength and defeat you. The flaw? Explosive emotional reaction out of all proportion to the occasion. Why? Why this unreasonable anger at the sight of others who are happy or content, this growing contempt for people and the desire to hurt them? All right, you think they're fools, you despise them because their morals, their happiness is the source of your frustration and resentment. But these are drably enemies you carry within yourself--in time destructive as bullets. Mercifully, a bullet kills its victim. This other bacteria, permitted to age, does not kill a man but leaves in its wake the hulk of a creature torn and twisted; there is still fire within his being but it is kept alive by casting upon it faggots of scorn and hate. He may successfully accumulate, but he does not accumulate success, for he is his own enemy and is kept from truly enjoying his achievements.

  • Capote, Truman. In Cold Blood. Toronto ON: Random House, 1965, 43, 44.

26 February 2006

the noise blasting from speakers in an abondoned warehouse with equally abondoned kids doped up on E is NOT music

I saw Colin James and band perform last night at the Yates.

F A N T A S T I C !

Staples of a good show:
  • venue with seating for under 1000 (the Yates seats 500)

  • NO concessions
    (the last thing I want is to smell hot dogs and nachos, makes me think I'm at a hockey game...btw, I refuse to see a band in a hockey rink)

  • must have a piano or organ

  • must have at least one windwood or brass instrument; if not, then some other abnormal instrument

  • each instrument must have at least one solo

  • must cover a Bob Dylan song
    (Elvis, Cash, Lennon, or McCartney are optional)

The Colin James Band fit all of the above conditions.

The keyboard guy had 3 or 4 different organs/synthesizers/moogs, plus a piano, and various types of hand percussion instruments which he used when not keying a song. He had a couple of stellar solos on what appeared to be a Hammond B3.

The drummer held his own and provided what was needed from his position.

The saxophonist was superb. A big man with big lungs. Had to be. I had no idea a tenor sax could pull those high notes, and for that length of time!!! We're talking 8 or 10 bars of music, just screaming that thing! Awesome.

Lest we forget the trumpeter. He too was on par with the saxist. However, he wasn't as big, so therefore his lungs were likely smaller, and yet he was able to blow out equally amazing notes for sustained periods of time.

Sax and trumpet had me whirling in memory back to sounds similar to the E Street Band of the 70's.

As for Colin himself, the guy is a fabulous guitarist.
However, one must keep in mind that I have been to a solo Phil Keaggy concert that lasted nearly three hours, so I really can never offer any unbiased evaluation of a guitarist anymore.

Rock. Blues. R&B. Odyssey.

And yes, it was there. Dylan's Watching the River Flow.

25 February 2006


The past two, or perhaps three, weeks have been not much more than a blur for me. From the ski trip to three crazy days at work to an insane road trip to Vancouver, Victoria, and back again in 4 days, to another crazy four days at work. I'm pretty much spent, and looking forward very much to sleeping in my own bed and not having an alarm waking me up in the morning.

It is after times like these that I realise the things I appreciate about life.

I typically don't bring my camera anywhere where someone else will have a camera, and pretty much any digital camera is better than mine, being that it's so old and slow and bulky.

I got to take this photo with a Canon Digital Rebel XT. It's completely real and not photoshopped at all. I think that the lighting as it was, combined with the flash, makes it have that look where the people are not really there, and the backdrop is just a painting, and the foreground is the only thing that was photographed. I'm not sure why exactly, but this is a photo that I like.

14 February 2006


I found out today that I will be getting a bonus.

$ $ $

It's for performance in 2005 and somewhat substantial compared to my average after-tax income.

Cannot say what it is, because people I work with may read this.

I can say that it's not a membership to the jam of the month club.

08 February 2006

it's a 10

Day 2 - Kicking Horse

The Stairway to Heaven quad drops you off at 8,033'. I can say nothing else aside from: A M A Z I N G ! !

We arrived and it was snowing quite well, and there was about 5 or 7 cm of fresh new fluffy soft white pow-pow for the day. The Stairway to Heaven chair delivered on its namesake today.

"it's a 10" is a snakingly long run which goes all the way to the bottom along a cat-track. The 10 refers to the length: 10 kilometers. My last run was on this 10 km trail. I think it's the longest I've ever skied. I wasn't going too fast, and I think it took about 30 minutes to get down.

Tomorrow is Panorama again. No one has snow in the forecast until Monday.

07 February 2006

view of 1000 peaks

Day 1 of the February in Fairmont Ski Trip

Long day. Not much to say. BC knows how to build a ski resort. Panorama is fantastic!

At the top, the Summit, looking east towards Alberta is the view of 1000 peaks. Literally. This view blows away Kingston's 1000 islands. Serioulsy, there should be a new salad dressing for this view.

Just a couple of photos.

This is part of the view of 1000 peaks. Freaking awesome.

That's for SSS. Since his camera batteries died when trying to take a similar photo in Fernie.

05 February 2006

if anyone limits freedom of speech, then it is no longer free

I finally found it!

Be offended. With free speech, it is a person's right to be offended.

But in no way is it ever acceptable that your offense be turned into physical violence.

That photo above, though not particularly funny, is really nothing compared to these:

Freedom of speech ≠ freedom of violence.

I realise that the unwarranted outlash from Muslims and Islamic dictatorship states (both of which typically contain suppressed and oppressed people), is not entirely contained to the arab-Muslim population of Israel (I do not recognise palestine as a "state"). But what seems strange to me is this: the violent actions seem to be entirely contained within the arab-Muslim population of Israel. Gaza and the west bank are nothing more than welfare zones, relying upon the good will of "the west". If not for "the west" there would be no "palestine", because Israel would have cleaned house by now.

By defacing property of the EU, by threatening kidnappings, by strutting around for the media carrying guns and rocket launchers with the intent to use them, by being a bunch of fucking pigs, you completely lose any credibility you may have had.

And this, on the heels of the Hamas vs. Fatah political whatever. Geez, you don't even have your own country, and you've already started a civil war!! What are you doing?

I think your ski masks and head coverings are missing the pointy tops.