27 April 2006

waiting with "george"

Waiting for the Via train this morning in Kitchener to take me to Toronto, it seemed apparent that Mark and I would need to wait on the platform outside the station as we were having too much fun with puns, which was not so much fun for those around us.

Eating my Tim Hortons muffin, I declare: "my muffin is finished already?"

Mark gives a confused look.

To which I reply: "I never eat the stump."

More confusion. I then explain the muffin stump / top of the muffin Seinfeld to Mark.

Some guy down the platform quips: "did you see the episode with the shrimp? 'the ocean called, they're running out of shrimp'".

To which I reply: "George, the jerkstore called, they're running put of you!"

Then the guy comes over and starts talking to me. [hint: BIG MISTAKE, I'm anti-social] "You're calling the shots."

Me: what?

Guy: you're calling the shots.

Me: ???

Guy pulls put his operator's licence. His middle name is George. Now he's convinced that I'm some kind of mystic or prophet because he thinks I called him by his name, when in fact I misquoted a Seinfeld punchline. (And in a twist of a word, I suppose I also called him a jerk, because the jerkstore ran out of him.

George walks away and minds his business. Mark and I exchange looks and start making plans of what to do if George tries to sit near us on the train, or tries to talk to us on the train.

I turn my head to see where our new friend is at, and George is staring right at me, and gives me the two fingered peace sign while sticking out his tongue. (Maybe it was more than the peace sign, and some allusion to some sex act which I partially understood. But I won't flatter myself with George.)

He walks back to us. "you're calling the shots man; you know my name!"

Me: it was complete coincidence that I quoted Jason Alexander, and that your name is George.

George: no it wasn't. You're calling the shots. Peace.

George walks away down the tracks and appears to disappear. Later we see him run across the tracks, sit on an old milk crate and start smoking / polishing his gun.

I says to Mark, I says: "sure, George is weird now, but next thing we know, he's on the news for killing his family because he was lonely and couldn't find friends even on the internet."

Then we see the train approaching and George does not get up to come back across the tracks. But then he jumps up and sprints across and stays at the end of the platform. He stands beyond the yellow lines, right beside the train, with his arms raised in a 'V'.

Mark and I board the train, and watch George on the platform. We're not sure what he was doing, or planning on doing, but he talked with a Via employee, and then didn't board the train.

I patiently waiting for the bomb to explode somewhere between Milton and Mimico.

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