under the influence

Recently reported by SSS, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind has "fast become one of [his] favourite movies".

Under this heavy influence, I purchased a previously enjoyed copy this evening at my local Rogers Video, utilising my RGC employee discount.

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If I could erase someone from my memory, who would I erase?

Unfortunately, I cannot answer that question in due time. The better question to ask would be:

If I could erase everyone from my memory, who would I keep?

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I once read Yancey's Where is God when it hurts? In this book, Yancey tries to answer the question for which the book received its title. The only problem I found in the book is this: Yancey only studied physical pain, and suggested remedies based on psychology. This error is tantamount to making the book useless by not answering the question of the title. Physical pain can be erased by bacteria. But this holds no power over spiritual pain. The antithesis of physical pain is leprosy. Yes, to feel no pain at all is basically to be infected with the mycobacterium leprae. The one thing that is available as the answer to not feeling pain is actually the one thing that has been viewed as the lowest of social standing by just about every culture since the beginning.

Spiritual pain. What is the spiritual leprosy to cure spiritual pain? The spotless mind. The eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.

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You'd be surprised to find out who is not on the list of people I would actually want to remember. It's quite short.

Don't be surprised really.

Come on! 14 bottles of wine in 5 weeks? You think it's because I like wine?

Why does anyone drink or smoke pot? Because a person hates is not satisfied with where he is at. Unable to remove the source of the pain, the best alternative is to numb it a bit, even if only for a few hours or days.

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Joel and Clementine wanted to forget each other, and in the process realised that they loved each other.

I have attempted to love. But I have also been spurned every time. Infinite disappointment. Resurging waves of regret mingled with the desire to have realised from the beginning that no other person can love. All people are selfish and just after their own improvement. I am. I'm not. No, I would have given myself wholy. I've known that many times. Why didn't I? Because eventually I would become boring. Then I would be alone again. I'd rather just be alone. Not alone again.

But, I am alone again. Perpetual. Forever. Ceaseless. Alone.

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I would rather be void and empty than carry this burden.

I want to feel nothing rather than everything.