merlot

I've been in Calgary for 4 days now, attending a convention for WABE. It's been good. Technical papers, meeting people for the first time after having only ever talked on the phone or emailed. Bumping into people from college (two instructors and a student from my class).

Staying in a hotel. Not just a 'hotel', but the Executive Royal Inn. I even ordered in room service tonight. Mmmm. Turkey burger and fries, and a bottle of Chilean merlot.

But the reason why I ordered wine was this:

Lynnwood Ranch.

For what reason I thought that this would be a nice place, I do not know. The first night, on Sunday, we had awesome catering of appetisers in a great pub downtown, just a few blocks from the convention centre, the Unicorn.

Lynnwood. Lamewood. Lamejoke.

First of all, I wasn't sure where I was going, aside from "Okotoks".

I took the wrong exit. Drove for a long time, stopping at every sign looking for Limeworm. Drove and drove. Then the road curved. Roads don't usually just curve on the grid without a good reason. And there was none this time. No Lamedumk found.

I pull over, call 411. Get the number. Call the place. No answer. Just some old cowboy on the voicemail telling me to visit their web site.

I fire up the BlackBerry browser to find their web site and find a tiny little graphic of a map to their place. I go back to the highway, drive nearly half way home, before going down some other nearly dirt road to another nearly dirt road that was only wide enough for 1.5 cars and had no signs or shoulders or painted lines to indicate where the road ended and the Sheep River began.

I get to the place...


I was expecting a classy resort type place. Instead, I find horses and a bluegrass band and a barn. A freaking barn. With hay bales for tables and beer being served in cans! molson beer in cans!

It was cold, so I had to get out by the "fire", which was just charcoal briquettes being burned to "cook" the "food" on.

molson products in cans!

Cans!

Horse shit.

Horses.

Beer in cans!!! Not even real beer... shitty cowboy beer!

---

Let me check this out:

• belt buckle small, too small really; in fact, any cowboy would likely say I wasn't even wearing a belt because my belt buckle was too small (small to a cowboy = tasteful to everyone else)


• my jeans were not tight; I wasn't wearing jeans at all; I was wearing wool pants, blazer, dress shirt and tie (I was at a convention all day downtown)


• beer is being served in cans while horses are walking around pulling wagons


• I know Dawn VTH

These are all enough reasons to make this place hell in the Sheep River valley.

---

I promptly snuck back to my Jeep and drove back to Calgary and got into my hotel room and ordered room service with a bottle of merlot.

Sorry Miles. Had to see why you hate merlot, and I now know why.

---

I'm off to the bath tub for a soak and the rest of that bottle of merlot.