i to the fifth

I have always voted Conservative

2008-12-04T13:01:00.002-07:00

Here's something that will also shock you: I grew up in Ontario; the heartland of bleeding-heart socialism.

The greatest problem with this liberal socialism is that while it does take care of those who require the help, it also creates an entire class of lazy useless people who ought to be eking out a living through employment, but somehow get convinced that they can do nothing and receive everything. Sadly, off the backs of those who are out there eking that living. It's a Robin Hood nation with a twist: stealing from the moderately wealthy and giving to the lazy to remain in perpetual poverty. The rich? They stay rich.

The only party which best represents my ideology is the "conservative", right-leaning incarnation of the CPC (formerly the Reforms, the Alliance, the Reformed Alliance, etc. etc.).

I came across the following article written by a US correspondent of the CBC, and I feel that it is one of the better articles that I have read about the current political situation in Ottawa. Please read on:

My dear American neighbours,

I see the political crisis in Canada has finally made it into the Washington Post's Foreign Briefs column.

So, anticipating a flood of interest from all of you at the dog run in the morning, let me try to give you some idea of what's happening up there.

A few weeks ago, we had an election in Canada, a couple of weeks before yours, actually. A political party known as the Conservatives won.

Well, sort of. They didn't win in the sense that most of you understand winning. I'll get to that in a second.

They also aren't what most of you would consider conservative.

They support what you call socialized medicine, they believe in protecting a Canadian-controlled banking system, they believe in government as a vehicle for transferring wealth between regions, and they've actually muzzled party members who tried to make abortion a campaign issue.

In fact, instead of making his Sunday trip to church a photo opportunity, our Conservative leader refuses to discuss his faith in public. (Like many Americans, he's an evangelical Christian).

Different kettle of fish

So our Conservatives are a bit different from yours. Down here, you'd probably call them Democrats. And fairly liberal ones at that.

But, as I said, they won our last election, which is a pretty low-key affair compared to yours. The campaign lasted a few weeks instead of two years.

What's more, they won with only 37 per cent of the vote. Now, you can do that in Canada because our Parliament has three other political parties: The Liberals (again, pay no attention to the name, they tend to adapt their worldview as needed), the Bloc Québécois (a Quebec party that says it wants to break up the country, but hasn't actually done much about it for many years), and the NDP.

I'm not quite sure how to explain the NDP. The other parties like to call them socialists.

Some of their more doctrinaire members would like the government to nationalize or take a large financial stake in things like banks and manipulate the national economy by spending huge amounts of public money. You know, the sort of thing President George W. Bush has been doing this year.

I know, I know, it's confusing.

Funny old world, isn't it?

So. The Conservatives won our election and formed something called a minority government.

That means the Conservatives can basically be tossed out of office by the opposition parties whenever they feel like it, which usually happens after a year or two. Then there's an election.

This time, though, the opposition parties decided to throw out the government before it really even started governing. But instead of forcing another election, the opposition parties made a deal: they formed a surprise coalition and now they want to take power without consulting voters again.

Americans might have a hard time understanding this sort of thing, but it happens all the time in places like Israel and Italy. Wait, though. Uh, wake up. We're getting to the really interesting part.

The CBC connection

To take over, the opposition parties have to convince our head of state that they can govern effectively. President Bush is your head of state, at least until Barack Obama moves in.

But our head of state isn't elected. It's the Queen. And she's represented up there by someone called a governor general, who is appointed. Voters don't have anything to do with it.

Except for not being elected, a governor general is a lot like your vice-president. Sort of ceremonial. Our governors general travel a lot, cut ribbons, declare holidays for school kids and try to set a good example.

The current office holder, Michaëlle Jean, used to be a CBC reporter. Like me.

Actually, the one before her was once a CBC reporter, too. So were two others in the recent past. In our country, any CBC reporter can dream of becoming head of state.

Letting a journalist decide

Like your vice-president, sometimes a governor general becomes unbelievably important. Right now, for example. Sooner or later, this former TV reporter is going to have to decide who runs Canada.

Now, the Conservatives aren't taking this state of affairs lying down.

They've been talking about shutting down Parliament for a while until they can think of some way to prevent the opposition parties from throwing them out. But they can't just do that. They'd have to convince the Governor General to let them.

It's all very dramatic, you have to admit. Right? Don't you? Hello?

I mean, we Canadians don't have all those big-mouthed cable anchors that you have, but you can imagine what they'd do with a situation like this.

It's the economy

Wait a second. I forgot to explain why all this is happening. Bear with me.

You see, Canada's economy is in trouble. Just like everybody else's.

So when the Conservatives won, most people expected them to turn on the spending taps, the way every other country in the developed world is doing.

But Prime Minister Stephen Harper, for some reason, decided not to.

In fact, last week he had his finance minister announce that the government intends to run a surplus in its next budget. Meaning the government intends to take more in taxes from Canadians than it needs to run the country.

(I know President Bush has never run a surplus. But Canadian governments have, every year for more than a decade, even when the supposedly spendy Liberals were in charge.)

Anyway, in the middle of an economic crisis, Harper's plan didn't go over well with the three opposition parties and they saw their chance.

So that's what's happening.

Actually, if you think about it, our prime minister is doing exactly what President Bush keeps saying he'd like to be doing, instead of authorizing another trillion or so every week in new bailouts.

Maybe it's not such a funny old world after all.

source

Presidential Debate

2008-10-16T11:26:00.000-06:00

I watched just a few minutes of the opening of the third presidential candidates debate last night, as a rerun on CBC.

I've said it before, and I'm typing it again now, if I were American, I'd be a Democrat (only because there is only one other option, and I would definitely not be Republican).

How old is McCain anyway??? Seriously? And what's with that tumor-like growth on his face? So really, the next Republican presidential candidate is Sarah Palin, because the first intern to toss her hair for McCain is going to kill him instantly!

McCain and Dion must have summered together, even if only metaphorically, because the similarity in on-camera character is striking; can't answer a direct question and can only resort to lambasting the opponent. Those two would do well in reality tv pitted against each other. Or maybe they'd be friends? Two self-consumed people assuming that they ought to lead a country because they belong to the "natural governing party". Pathetic. Or pathétique.

Obama on the other side, I could listen to him for hours! Even when reading an Oprah-rejected book of the month.

If polls are to be trusted, then one could assume that President Obama will be receiving a congratulatory phone call from Prime Minister Harper in a few weeks' time.

Hello Americaland! If there be a god, may she bless you with a Democrat president.

thoughts on the 40th General Election

2008-10-15T00:13:00.003-06:00

I am severely disappointed with voter participation and turn out. There are just too many things to say as to why people ought to vote, are obliged to vote. So many seem to take for granted the rights and freedoms we so easily enjoy, while much of the world's population does not have what we have. It's a sad time and a sad day.

I am very happy that the Liberals are weakening. I don't like them; I have never liked them. I have never voted Liberal, nor even considered it in the slightest.

I live in Alberta, and it's very very blue here. Take all the other votes for all other parties, and in most ridings, those don't even get close to half of the votes which were cast for Conservatives. Note to rest of Canada: the money is moving to Alberta, the jobs are moving to Alberta, the power is shifting to Alberta; you can fight this or deny this, but eventually you'll have to realise that Calgary is the new Ottawa, or new Toronto, or new Montr...no, I won't go that far.

Addendum to above: What's up with Edmonton-Strathcona??? Blues on Whyte will have to change its name to Orange on Whyte. How does one pronounce Orange-monton? Not that I liked it any better, Redmonton was quite easy to pronounce. And I'm sad to see Rahim Jaffer leave the Hill; he was quite clearly one of the better dressed MPs in the House.

YES! We NEED electoral reform. From an elected senate to proportional representation, there are just too many ways we could improve our democratic process. How about borrowing and improving an idea from south of the 49th, and instead of having an upper and lower house, give them equal standing, and have one seated like it is now (Commons), and the other giving each province and territory equal seats regardless of population (Senate).

Isn't it mandatory to vote in Australia? Fine people who don't vote? Let's get that up and running here in Canada. Even if it means adding the box: "I don't care / it doesn't matter" as a valid choice in every riding and on every ballot. With 55 or 56% of voters actually voting, what are those other 44 or 45% doing? Who would they vote for?

I like minority governments. Think back to the 90's. Those sweeping majorities were not so good. Minorities can work when coalitions are formed. Put aside the partisan bickering and do something good for Canada, regardless of the colour of your tie (or head scarf).

I have growing admiration for May and the Greens. It takes a lot of whatever it is which is required to make yourself known and have a presence in Ottawa without being an MP and without any "money" (in the way that the other parties have our tax dollars). I just don't understand why she chose to run in a riding which was so obviously going to be Conservative.

What's with Harper wearing that obviously orange tie for his victory speech??

40th General Election is today!

2008-10-14T10:44:00.003-06:00

Please remember to get out and VOTE today!!

For more information, please visit Elections Canada.

RIM's amazing new device!

2008-10-09T11:31:00.003-06:00

BlackBerry Brick

Yes, too difficult to see, but it's a white screen with black text:
"App Error 205; Reset".
And that's basically all it does.

the BEST wedding EVER!!

2008-09-16T19:56:00.001-06:00

The chosen photos have been posted.

Please enjoy them here -->

http://gallery.mac.com/vbs420#100058

AWOL no more!

2008-09-06T13:49:00.002-06:00

Yes, I have been unblogging for some time. And in that time, life got busy and I neglected my loyal audience (all three of you!). My apologies for that. However, you've all likely kept up through facebook, SMS, or BB Messenger.

Anyway, since I have a Mac, facebook photos are just too slow for me.

Check out my California Family Vacation photos in my gallery.

Roméo Dallaire (Lib.) = village idiot

2008-05-13T22:22:00.003-06:00

As I am watching the National, I notice Senator Roméo Dallaire (Liberal) spewing off all sorts of idiocy.

And these are my thoughts:

Omar comes from a well-known family: the Kadhrs

the Kadhr family is not well known for being outstanding citizens espousing the values of Canada

he would not be in Guantanamo Bay if he had not been in Afghanistan fighting for al Qaeda

Additionally: I disagree with our current immigration policies. I do not believe that citizenship in Canada should be given out willy-nilly to anyone who comes begging for it. I believe that children born in Canada of contributing landed immigrants can become citizens.

Therefore, refugees who achieve little more than welfare are not contributing members of our society.

Therefore, Omar would not be a "citizen", and in my view is not one.

Meanwhile, Jack Babcock finally becomes a citizen....again.

Now that is irony!

2008-04-03T13:27:00.002-06:00

I'm currently vacationing in the most beautiful place on earth: British Columbia.

Exact location:

View Larger Map

Yes, go figure, I'm in a Starbucks. I had to come here to use the wifi, as my host merely surfs off of her condo neighbours not smart enough to lock their signals. For some reason, my PowerBook G4 is unable to get a reliable signal in similar locations where my host's MacBook does.

As I was rummaging / foraging for food this morning, I found about a dozen pounds of unopened Starbucks coffee beans.

This makes sense, as my host's second job is part-time at the very Starbucks in which I am now sitting, sipping and surfing.

However, my host also does not have a coffee maker; no drip, no perc, no press!!!

Severe irony.

Twilight Radio Zone

2008-03-28T11:03:00.000-06:00

Jesse: "Led Zeppelin is booking more shows for a comeback tour."

Me: "They only did the one off show to decide if profit margins were high enough to warrant a tour."

J: "Led Zeppelin could get on stage and fart Stairway to Heaven and people would buy tickets."

J: "Hey! Deanna Troy turns 53 today."

Brooksie: "Who?"

J: "Deanna Troy.....Star Trek Next Generation."

B: "Sorry, I don't have as much time as I once had to sit in front of the tv and masturbate to Star Trek characters."

M: [laughter]

B: "How many Star Treks are there?"

J: "Original, Next Generation, DS9, Enterprise, and Voyager."

M: "How about 'Star Trek: Voyeur'; no plot, no story, just attractive aliens wearing almost nothing for nerds to masturbate to?"

[afterthought] : isn't that what the original Star Trek was?

McRib

2008-03-20T09:28:00.001-06:00

McDonald's has recently brought back the McRib; an apparently pork based product of congealed "meat", no less no doubt also including mulched hair, hooves, and hide.

And as I saw the television advertisement, I couldn't help but be reminded of the Simpsons episode (and I don't know which one) where Homer joins a Ribwich travelling freak show of dedicated Krusty Burger fans following the cross country staggering limited release of this fine porcine sandwich delight.

And it was this memory which caused me to subconsciously, nay unwillingly, divert myself to the nearest McDonald's haven of harbingers of heart clogging, fat building, diabetic coma inducing "food".

Now, I'm no sucker for gimmicks; I never order a drink (other than tap water), and I never order those nasty once-a-potato american fries. I order my McRib, without onions (who knows where Quique's hands were before picking that onion from a sweat-field in Mexico), and decide that it's not going to be enough to satiate the hunger within, I also order two double cheeze-burgers from the value menu, without onions.

Of course that goo resembling meat tasted great. I was hungry. As I chewed and swallowed my way to an earlier grave, I was transmogrified back to a time and place somewhere in my childhood when my imaginary friend would eat at McDonald's with me.

And I would like to end on a happy note right here. But I cannot.

Along with the McRib came the McGas and now the McPoo.

AVOID THE McRib!

use a satellite?

2008-03-18T22:32:00.002-06:00

Then today is your day to mourn.

Arthur C. Clarke has died.

I won't spend much time regurgitating what you can already find; just take a minute to think about the impact on culture, science and technology that Clarke has had.

I would have to say that the Clarke Belt, the geosynchronous orbit place around the earth, was by far the coolest thing, as it was only hypothesis back in 1945, and now it basically allows satellites to run our lives (think GPS, think telecoms, think Sirius).

Larry Norman, b. 8 April 1947, d. 24 February 2008

2008-02-29T17:20:00.002-07:00

In all the years of listening to music, which has been a constant soundtrack to my own life, regardless of the current theme, I could always count on, and indeed did return to, something from Larry Norman. There would always be some tune, or song, or lyric, which would meet my need, in my place, at that time.

Though I know that it's not, never was never will be, "Larry-worship". Larry's music (and life!) was always a reflection of God; something beautiful, sad, mad, lonely, lovely, purposeful, graceful, to point to God from whatever that place was. Most of all, Larry's music was always REAL.

Thank you, Larry Norman, for the years of dedication, and for your love.

Check out:

www.larrynorman.com

Larry on wikipedia

I'm not American

2008-02-05T08:07:00.001-07:00

But if I was, I would be a democrat (though I would likely fit in to "independent" more easily).

And as a democrat, I would support Barack Obama.

There! I've said it.

I may suggest "why" later. I did type something, but it was too witty and racy for most readers. I would be like Fox News, but the opposite.

Today's Featured Article

2007-12-12T23:11:00.001-07:00

Lethbridge Alberta is today's featured article on Wikipedia (13 December 2007).

Woo hoo!

Soccer & Hijabs

2007-12-06T08:25:00.000-07:00

What?

Why?

Seriously, I'm so tired of hearing about this.

Here's a tip:

TAKE IT OFF!!

No one is asking Muslim teens to wear crotchless panties and push-ups!

Let's look at the other side of this story.

I have a friend who is female and worked for an NGO and often travelled in ultra-hardcore Muslim areas, and when she travelled there, she did not demand that men suffer the shame of lust for gazing at her beauty, she wore a burqa.

When in Rome.....

95th Grey Cup

2007-11-25T11:51:00.000-07:00

Go Riders!

I'm a total loser

2007-11-23T12:09:00.000-07:00

I've finally accepted my fate and realised that I have no real friends.

Therefore I decided that I should at least attempt to discover and create some virtual friends.

Find me on Facebook.

Red Dog Diner

2007-11-15T12:53:00.000-07:00

A new totally amazing and awesome diner opened in downtown Lethbridge:

Red Dog Diner

Montréal style hot dogs, smoked meat, and poutine. Best part, it's a family owned business run by Québeckers.

This poutine is the real deal: cheese curds and all. (Pictured is my favourite so far, galvaude poutine, a house specialty with grilled chicked and green peas. Mmm mmm....c'est très bonne!

Hours: pretty much open when you're hungry; until midnight every day but Friday and Saturday, that's when they're open until 4 am. Lethbridge is finally getting some cool.

Moi, je l'aime.

Addendum:

View Larger Map

Study Finds Working At Work Improves Productivity

2007-11-09T10:56:00.001-07:00

Study Finds Working At Work Improves Productivity

WASHINGTON, DC—The groundbreaking research found that by simply sitting down and doing work, employees can dramatically increase their output of goods and services.

WWJB?

2007-11-05T10:55:00.000-07:00

I can hardly wait to see this!

the way [someone else] see[s] it #291

2007-10-25T16:22:00.000-06:00

In a world where celebrity equals talent, and where make-believe is called reality, it is most important to have real love, truth and stability in your life.

~~ Bernie Brillstein ~~
from my Starbucks cup

I'm all thumbs!

2007-08-13T09:46:00.000-06:00

Editor's Note

Written by Guerin Lee Green
Saturday, 11 August 2007

Strangely, while many readers have grasped that "Surgically alters thumbs" represents satirical social commentary, many on the internet, alas, have not. Careful reading of the piece makes it clear to any critical consumer of information that the piece is pure humor and not news or reported as fact.

Among the points of the piece: that U.S. society accepts plastic surgery and decorative deformation of the human body for vanity, but not other reasons (consider the Bonds steroid stories); that technology has become a new cult phenomena, in which items are praised or ridiculed based upon tribal allegiances instead of functionality and performance (and we are members of the Cult of the Mac- iPhone division); and we like to pretend that some of our writers have a sense of humor.

For those who have "debunked" the HUMOR [sic] piece, thanks for pointing out that there are no muscles in the thumbs (BTW, there are muscles in the thumb), and that the timeline from iPhone release to successful surgery is pure fantasy. Also "whittling"?!?! Come on, pollexplasty, from the Latin for thumb, pollex, perhaps, but not whittling!!

Additionally, many commentators have derided Mr. Martel for stupidity first and foremost, which may indicate something about their credulity. In an era when fake news, like Paris Hilton, has crowded out real news and public debate, the lesson is that skeptical consumption of information, whether from the North Denver News, the New York Times, or the National Review, is a must.

By the way, for odd skeptics, the North Denver News is a monthly community newspaper serving Northwest Denver, with about 35,000 readers. The North Denver News is entering our sixth year of publication, and along with our sister paper, The Cherry Creek News, are the largest community news presence in Denver. Our web presence, which features stories from the paper as well as other news, satire and commentary, is updated several times weekly, and will do about a million page views in calendar 2007.

FYI, there is no Thomas Martel (aka Tommy the Hammer) or Dr. Ben Fox Spars. The Fox of course, is reference to Fox News (aka Faux News). James Benfly is fictive as well, the nom de plume of one of our writers. And thanks to Franz Kafka, who must be smiling upon this whole episode.

Apparently, I'm one of those internet people who was taken in by this piece of satire.

Man surgically alters thumbs to better use iPhone

2007-08-10T12:31:00.000-06:00

This just in from the North Denver News:

Written by James Benfly
Wednesday, 08 August 2007

Thomas Martel, 28, of Bonnie Brae is a big guy. So he has a hard time using the features on ever-shrinking user interfaces on devices like his new iPhone. At least, he did, until he had his thumbs surgically altered in a revolutionary new surgical technique known as "whittling."

"From my old Treo, to my Blackberry, to this new iPhone, I had a hard time hitting the right buttons, and I always lost those little styluses," explains Martel. "Sure, the procedure was expensive, but when I think of all the time I save by being able to use modern handhelds so much faster, I really think the surgery will pay for itself in ten to fifteen years. And what it's saving me in frustration - that's priceless."

"This is really, on the edge sort of stuff," explains Dr. Robert Fox Spars, who worked on developing the procedure.
"We're turning plastic surgery from something that people use in service of vanity, to a real tool for improving workplace efficiency."

The procedure involved making a small incision into both thumbs and shaving down the bones, followed by careful muscular alteration and modification of the fingernails. While Martel's new thumbs now appear small and effeminate in comparison to his otherwise very large hands, he says he can still lift "pretty much anything I could lift before the surgery - though opening spaghetti sauce jars has been a problem. That was a big surprise."

iPhone

2007-08-09T10:56:00.000-06:00

At the Lethbridge International Air Show on Sunday, I found myself sitting beside some U.S. Air Force guy, who was on exchange with DND and stationed at CFB Comox on the Island.

He had an iPhone. He let me touch the iPhone.

Then he showed me how the iPhone works. And by the way, the iPhone works on Rogers; he was able to everything here that he can in the US.

I’ve still got shivers.

lightly raining

2007-08-05T22:26:00.000-06:00

It's lightly raining right now.

I can't remember when it rained last; sometime in May. It's pretty brown in Lethbridge and very brown in Southern Alberta. And you cannot include those areas with watered lawns or irrigated fields.

Happy Heritage Day!

the incredible month

2007-08-02T22:06:00.000-06:00

July has brought no posts and massive life events.

Krap at work. Bla bla bla, politics and bureacracy and a little bit of lip balm.

Other stuff too.

Good, bad?

Right now, I don't know. Ask me again in a few months. I may know something then.

climb every mountain

2007-07-02T14:18:00.000-06:00

On Saturday of the Canada Day long weekend, my housemate and I travelled to Waterton Lakes National Park where we hiked to the top of Lineham Ridge (check out the Park map).

Check out my photo blog here.

Highlights:

Nearing the top, I was struggling with drive to continue, so I suggested that we just cut straight up to the top at where we were (the trail followed a quasi-switchback up the ridge, so we were walking parallel to the top of the ridge). It was only about 10 m to the top. We scrambled up through the scree and shale to the top. My previous ascent of Akamina Ridge proved that both sides sloped gently up. Not so with Lineham Ridge. We were on the sloped side, and the other side was most definitely a cliff of dizzying height. Height does not bother me at all, the falling does. I was so paralyzed with fear, I couldn't even get close to the edge. I had to crawl on my belly and then reach my arms out over the edge to take a picture. I couldn't even watch Mike go close to the edge.

At the top of Lineham Ridge, I could see Akamina Ridge and Wall Lake, which were both much lower in elevation, in the distance (just about in the very middle of this picture). That's cool, because now I've climbed a second mountain and it was higher than the first.

We must have started later than "normal", because on our ascent we met many groups making their descent. And all of them put us to shame! They were bundled up in winter clothing, with real hiking boots, walking poles, and touques!!! (Seriously, it wasn't that cold!! It was actually quite warm.) At one snow patch, where we allowed the descenders to pass, we discussed how they made it look so difficult to walk through snow. Then when we did it, it wasn't all that difficult.

On our descent, we only met with one group of three who were going to the summit. We looked back to see them much further up the trail than we had been at the same point during our ascent. We joked around about them meeting us on their way down. As we reached the trailhead, there were a couple of people standing by a car, and I jokingly commented about how it was the group of three having not only beat us, but passed us without notice. Seconds later, as we were getting into the car, the two people started cheering and the three came running down to the trailhead!!! I felt so lazy and fat!

Happy Canada Day!

sadly

2007-06-13T23:12:00.001-06:00

I was filling out a web application for a frequent movie goer points card (it's not too bad, especially if you see a lot of movies; check out Scene), and I got to the point on the applicaton as noted in the above image.

Why is "single" listed at the bottom?
As though being single is in last place?
Or the worst possible thing?
Even worse than widowed?

The world of Tomorrow....

2007-06-13T08:12:00.000-06:00

It's bad enough for windows that Tiger is about 10 years ahead of vista, but it's only getting worse for MS, as Apple is getting ready to launch Leopard.

Some day, the world will know!

But it's not going to be today. Or yesterday.

Apple released Safari 3 Beta, which also runs in windows. I promptly downloaded and installed on my windows box at work, and quickly uninstalled it within 24 hours. Too many crashes. Too many even for windows. Though I am not surprised.

I don't blame Apple for released an Alpha and claiming it to be a Beta. I do blame MS for making such a crappy OS, that a developer has to waste time figuring out how to create a safe app, instead of the OS being a safe environment.

I'm sure it will get better. But really, I've never liked the feel of Apple apps on windows. They are always much better on a Mac.

In fact, everything is better on a Mac.

Ocean's 40

2007-06-12T23:48:00.001-06:00

the Seven Wonders of Canada

2007-05-15T13:37:00.000-06:00

CBC has a shortlist of 50 nominations for the Seven Wonders of Canada.

My picks are:

Northern Lights
Not much is better than a warm night lying on a beach, or going for a swim, watching the northern lights dance across the sky

Prairie Skies
You just won't get it until you see it. I will likely always live on the prairies for the sky.

Spiral Tunnels
Not just the spiral tunnels through Kicking Horse, but the rail lines in general (and don't for the High Level Bridge in Lethbridge!). The engineering marvel of the Canadian railway system, and that over a hundred years ago! Linking communities and towns to cities and the coasts. Awe-inspiring.

The Canoe
The Canoe is the predecessor to the railway. Without it, relatively quick and easy travel in Canada would never have been possible.

The Rockies
My backyard playground. Whether it's hiking, biking, skiing, camping, or skinny dipping, the Rockies are never boring or tiresome. I can't imagine living away from them.

Trans Canada Highway
Again with the transportation theme, the T-C has bourne the weight of many of my trips in that old VW Jetta, among other modes of transporation. I have driven / ridden on most of the Trans Canada, from Vancouver to Sudbury, and Montréal to Moncton and Charlottetown. I have also driven / ridden on the entire Crows Nest Trail, from Medicine Hat to Hope. If you've done #1, it's a dump compared to #3. My ultimate road trip would be to drive the entire highway.

The Igloo
It's just amazing how snow can be used to make a liveable shelter, which protects the inhabitants from the same thing that its made of! I can recall many snow-fort building expeditions from my youth.

View the results.

Moses Mayes

2007-05-13T21:48:00.000-06:00

If you discover most of your new "music" from commercial radio, then stop reading.

Recently while in fabulous Las Vegas Nevada for a business trip, I met a member of Moses Mayes, as he was there representing a company on the exhibit floor.

The conversation started around me being from Lethbridge, and his band was going to playing here in the near future (but alas, they now are not, as they got a better gig offer to play in Canmore on the same night! Lethbridge's loss).

In the blur and haze which constantly surrounds one while in Las Vegas, I was actually able to remember that I met this band member, and the name of the band, which I easily googled.

It's not often that I find some so fresh and so innovative, that I've got to blog about it.

Moses Mayes is not easily defined, as they transcend most labels. The best possible application for their style would be a foundation of funk fusion and acid jazz, and that all mixed together and coming out somewhere in between on the other side.

I highly recommend this group from friendly Winnipeg Manitoba. Check them out! You shan't be disappointed.

Moses Mayes on iTunes:
Second Ring

Needle to the Groove

The Funk Family Orchestra

love the ride

2007-05-12T23:13:00.000-06:00

I have been cycling on my sport hardtail, a Rocky Mountain Fusion for four years now. I love the ride. I bike whenever I can. All Christmas's but the most recent, it was nice enough to head out for a 10 km ride in the afternoon.

However, a sport hardtail has its purpose, and is therefore limited when being used for other types of rides.

The craving, nay lust, for a road bike set in over a year ago, but just to make sure that it was a prolonged emotion, I waited for a full year before permitting myself to indulge.

And now I have.

Introducing the newest member to my family:

the Rocky Mountain Solo 10

The "10" indicates the component level; this frame comes in three levels of components, 10, 30, 50, each having better components than the predecessor. As I don't know how good I will be, getting the starter level will likely be adequate for my needs.

I've paid the deposit for my bike store to order it in (not a stock item; too expensive for the average bike purchaser), and the expected arrival date is Thursday. Updates to follow!

More seats in the House

2007-05-11T15:35:00.000-06:00

As reported on CBC today, the Minister of Democratic Reform (I've learned of a new ministry today!) has introduced a bill to address population growth concerns as related to adequate representation in the House.

Under the proposal, Alberta and British Columbia will both gain seats, five and seven each respectively.

The problem is that Ontario would be on schedule to receive an additional 10 seats!!! I have issue with this.

Ontario is already over-represented in the House. Onatario decides the government. Ontario has too much sway in Ottawa, Ontario.

However, not to fret, this change wouldn't be implemented until 2017. Wow! That's such a big number! And it's also ten years from now.

thinking about some things just makes me ill

2007-05-10T09:14:00.000-06:00

Let's impeach the President for lying
And misleading our country into war
Abusing all the power that we gave him
And shipping all our money out the door

Who's the man who hired all the criminals
The White House shadows who hide behind closed doors
They bend the facts to fit with their new stories
Of why we have to send our men to war

Let's impeach the President for spying
On citizens inside their own homes
Breaking every law in the country
By tapping our computers and telephones

What if Al Qaeda blew up the levees
Would New Orleans have been safer that way
Sheltered by our government's protection
Or was someone just not home that day?

Flip - Flop
Flip - Flop
Flip - Flop
Flip - Flop

Let's impeach the president for hijacking
Our religion and using it to get elected
Dividing our country into colors
And still leaving black people neglected

Thank god he's cracking down on steroids
Since he sold his old baseball team
There's lots of people looking at big trouble
But of course our president is clean.

~ Neil Young : "let's impeach the president", from Living with War

blogger's block

2007-05-07T21:52:00.000-06:00

Having been away for two weeks, first a near week in Las Vegas for NAB and then for 10 days in Toronto, and then suffering through a week back at work and at home, I have come to notice that I have not blogged.

And it's for the block I have that I have not blogged.

However, I have finally updated the Films Blog. So if you're needing a little Lewie tonight, then feel free to check out what films and movies I have been watching lately.

And let this be my acknowledgement that I will make an effort to be more consistent with my blogging. I know I have a few loyal readers out there....somewhere.

I feel dirty

2007-04-12T09:19:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, there was a visitor from the Calgary office.

He needed network access, and to set up his laptop with our wifi I had to use his computer.

Running.

Windows Vista.

Where is my Purell?

film

2007-03-19T23:33:00.000-06:00

After being stupidly lazy for over a month, I have finally updated my films blog.

Get ready! There are quite a few.

the films blog

the neon bible

2007-03-18T20:56:00.000-06:00

Has the youth of today (those 20 somethings) already so readily forgotten the 80's?

Arcade Fire is being hailed as this amazing new "indie" rock band which is so new that there has never been anything like them ever before....EVER.

The Cure.

The Clash.

Early U2. (Think "war".)

Pretty much any punk-esque rock from the 80's would sound just like this Arcade Fire.

But I'm not slagging them at all! I loved the 80's! I still do! And Arcade Fire is a great band with meaningful music. Much unlike the ilk which is shovelled by the shit-load-full by the music industry.

Intervention has the most poignant lyric in the chorus for me right now:

working for the church while your family dies
you take what they give you
you keep it inside
every spark of friendship and love will die without a home
hear the soldier groan all quiet and alone

been working for the church while your life falls apart
they're singing hallelujah when defeating your heart
every spark of friendship and love will die without a home
hear the soldier groan all quiet and alone

Read into that what you will, but I know what it says to me. Church sucks the life out of people while it kills them slowly. And for what?

Fahrenheit 449

2007-03-02T16:40:00.001-07:00

Starbucks brews its coffee with water heated by volcanic lava.

This process ensures that the beverage will be HOT!!!

Just two degrees below that point where the paper cup containing your beaned beverage woudl spontaneously combust.

This way, your $6 coffee feels like its bigger than the 20oz venti because lasts longer because one must wait a half-life in order to imbibe the coffee without melting dental work.

I've had too much caffeine today.

the inversion

2007-02-07T08:17:00.000-07:00

From the top of Kicking Horse; taken on my BlackBerry.

Death Snack

2007-02-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

I made this as part of a larger feature film. The original intended audience is deathly allergic to peanuts.

IGNATIEFF (verb)

2007-01-19T12:05:00.000-07:00

IGNATIEFF (verb)

1. To embark on a doomed quest: "his feet bare, armed only with a butter knife, he ignatieffed into the jungle at dusk"

2. To smile in a manner that suggests the very act of smiling is causing you tremendous discomfort

the best christmas gift...EVER

2007-01-17T08:51:00.000-07:00

Tyler, Donnie, and my brain book

2007-01-07T01:42:00.000-07:00

Tyler Durden
+ Donnie Darko
+ a book on neuroscience I am currently reading
= my imaginary friend

On Christmas Eve, while at the gym getting dressed after the shower, this other guy says something to me, and I cannot remember what it was, because I was in initial shock that someone at the gym had actually spoken to me.

I've been going there for four years, and I haven't really found it to be all that friendly. Some people know each other already and chat in the change room, but I rarely see people strike up conversations over the tread mill or bench press.

I thought it was quite ironic that while I was in the midst of bemoaning the holidays and being alone and friendless, a stranger was actually friendly.

I had never seen this guy before, and I doubted I would see him again.

Then on New Year's Day, I saw him again! He was watching hockey on the tv in the change room and sat down and was watching as well (as I often do). We had a minimal conversation about the game, and at some point he said something about playing squash. As he was leaving, I offered to play squash with him; which led to a bit of a real conversation, and as we were walking outside I mentioned to him that he was the first person who had ever spoken to me at the gym, and that I was kind of impressed by it. We agreed to meet on Tuesday to play squash. But he wasn't there.

Then I watched Donnie Darko Tuesday evening after squash.

And I kept reading through my brain book, Why We Believe What We Believe, by Andrew Newberg.

And I remembered Tyler Durden.

Then I began to think that my gym-friend was actually imaginary.

Now I think I'm going crazy.

I've not been able to verify with anyone else that this guy is real!

I didn't see him all week at the gym.

But then I finally saw him last night. And though we spoke briefly, I realised afterwards that no one else was around! And it was very non-committal, just first name, no phone number (for setting squash times or going skiing). And it also seems a bit strange that his physical pursuits are the same as mine.

Being concerned for my phsyological state of mind, after "Tyler" (I'm using a pseudonym; I don't want to disclose the name of my imaginary friend) left the change room, and I was stunned by the reality that no one else was involved in our conversation, and the fact that I could have imagined the whole thing was sinking in, I noticed another guy by the lockers, and I asked him if I was just talking to someone.

He looked nonplussed. But then when I mentioned Fight Club and the possiblility that I am crazy and have an imaginary friend, he seemed to understand what I was talking about. He acknowledged that I was indeed speaking with someone, though he did not know who it was. Nor had he seem him frequently at the gym.

Perhaps I was talking to myself.

Perhaps I was imagining it.

He wasn't there today, even though he said he was going to be.

I cannot prove "Tyler" to my housemate.

Having an imaginary friend would make sense, given my current circumstances.

how did I miss this???

2007-01-01T22:52:00.000-07:00

This would have totally improved my Christmas cheer....if I had found it two weeks ago!

Nothing is more divine than O, come all ye faithful to the tune of We're not gonna take it!

the most unique beer....ever

2007-01-01T20:50:00.000-07:00

This is officially the most unique tasting brew I have yet to discover.

It's not so red in colour, like Carlsberg Red or Rickard's Red. But it is an amber ale, and it's...got something I can't quite explain.

But it is good.

I think.

And it's a microbrew from Canmore Alberta.

You be the judge:

The Grizzly Paw Brewing Company

merry christmas

2006-12-30T11:09:00.000-07:00

Being the season of the year when people typically celebrate things such as mall sales, family, alcohol, Santa, and the remembrance of the birth of Jesus, it seems appropriate that I share a recent dinner conversation I had with some friends.

I was challenged with the question:

"What does Jesus mean to you?"

Now, I've never been the one to give a Sunday School answer, so when I began to explain my answer (which was demanded on the spot!), my dinner company began to roll their eyes.

There are three steps involved in my answer:

an assumption that God exists
a second assumption that God is monotheistic
a third assumption that of the three main possible options for a system of belief in monotheism (a triad of choice: Judaism, Christianity, Islam), Christianity is correct

Only after these assumptions have been made can the meaning of Jesus be considered.

Using reductionist reasoning, and stating the apparent facts as simply as possible:

after the physical body dies, there is an eternity of the soul
this eternity of the soul has but two ends: eternity of pain and suffering or eternity of not-pain and not-suffering, but the default is pain and suffering
the event of either eternal end is within my ability to choose, and I am responsible for that choice

That choice is Jesus, and the belief in him. To choose to believe in Jesus is to choose an eternity of the soul which is spent in not-pain and not-suffering. To choose to not believe in Jesus is to choose an eternity of pain and suffering. Therefore, to believe in Jesus is to obtain an eternity of not-pain and not-suffering. And that it what Jesus means to me.

This was challenged by my dinner company based on etymology and semantics, so I restated my thesis using his words:

To not believe in Jesus is to spend eternity separated from God. To believe in Jesus to spend eternity with God.

But this is usually viewed as reductio ad absurdum to the average Christian. "It just cannot be that simple....because all my life I was taught that it is more than just a mere belief in Jesus."

However, I would consider the absurdity to be introduced by the many Christians who have added to what is essentially the simplicity of Jesus.

There is nothing simpler than the words of Jesus during a late night conversation with Nicodemus, in which he states not just once but twice, that the only requirement for eternity with not-pain and not-suffering (or rather eternity with God, or even salvation) is a belief in himself:

"whoever believes in [Jesus] shall not perish but have eternal life" John 3:16
"whoever believes in [Jesus] is not condemned" John 3:18

Then further in the same chapter is John the Baptist's testimony to Jesus:

whoever believes in [Jesus] has eternal life" John 3:36

My simple answer did not seem to satisfy my dinner company, they likely have left believing that I am on my way straight to hell. Yet my message is the same: the Gospel message is that simple!

Avoid eternity of pain and suffering = believe in Jesus = enjoy eternity of not-pain and not-suffering.

check out the NEW michaeljameslewis

2006-12-21T13:52:00.000-07:00

Hey all!

Check out the NEW michaeljameslewis.ca !!!

As well, there is a new blog, completely devoted to film!

the Films Blog

squash!

2006-12-12T23:15:00.000-07:00

Playing squash sometimes becomes violent.

I got hit in the leg by the ball on a return off of the other guy's racket.

I remember falling down and rolling around while screaming and clutching my leg.

just when i thought it couldn't get better

2006-12-10T12:44:00.000-07:00

Chocolate Lucky Charms!!!

Oh Alberta!

2006-12-07T11:50:00.000-07:00

You cannot read a paper, watch the news, or even exist in Canada, without stumbling into a story about how fantastic Alberta is!

And you know what? It's all TRUE!

With recent political politicking, financial reports, consumer indexes, and the price of oil, I will take this time to remind my readers that Alberta is the best province in Canada.

Oh Alberta!

....we stand on guard for thee!

"cold snap"???

2006-11-28T11:57:00.000-07:00

I thought this was once called "winter".

But apparently, it's now merely a "cold snap", whatever that is.

All I know is that Environment Canada's prediction of a warm and mild and dry winter are looking quite inaccurate right now.

And I couldn't be more happy!!!

Cold + moisture = snow!

God made snow and said it was good. And on the seventh day he hit the slopes with big phatties and carved out some fresh lines through the trees.

2006-11-25T11:13:00.000-07:00

male restroom etiquette

It's funny because it's true!

Vancouver's rain = Rocky's S N O W ! ! !

2006-11-20T00:03:00.000-07:00

Heard about the rain in Vancouver lately?

Well, further inland that equates to S N O W! Mountains of the white stuff to be precise!

And I say: BRING IT ON!!!

I like summer, no doubt. But I also LOVE winter!

Last season at the "demo day" at Castle, I tried out a pair of ol' phatties, the Head Mojo 90. They are now on my December shopping list.

Mid November, and most hills are reporting close to a 100 cm snowfall. Winter is looking good so far.

because I finally agreed with Amiel, as did others

2006-11-01T08:34:00.000-07:00

Please provide the reference for the following Scripture quotation:

"Children of Israel! Call to mind the special favour which I bestowed upon you, and that I preferred you among all others."

Pearl Perspective #1

2006-10-31T19:04:00.000-07:00

Winter has arrived, or a precursor to it, in Lethbridge.

on the road to Jericho

2006-10-23T17:48:00.000-06:00

Walking from the parking lot to my university class just now, I passed by two people I know.

The first was an Iranian guy from my french class last semester. We stopped and chatted for a few moments to catch up.

The second, a "christian", person just stared right through me and kept walking.

And all I can say is: [edit] many [/edit] stupid Christians.

Why do I not go to church? To save myself the embarassment and shame of being 'related' to those people. But also to avoid the inevitable hurt and pain which will be caused by those people.

The greatest cause of people turning away from God is Christians.

Google Ads

2006-10-04T17:52:00.000-06:00

Coming to your favourite local radio station!!

Google recently purchased dMarc, which owns both Scott Studios and Maestro, together they dominate the radio automation sector globally.

Interestingly, I stumbled upon this article. It explains the technical aspects of how they will sell advertising and play it on a local radio station.

Scary and amazing!

Do no evil, Google. Do no evil.

shocked and appalled

2006-09-27T00:01:00.000-06:00

If the previous Liberal government had not severely under-funded the only credible national news source, I would not have to endure this:

http://www.cbc.ca/news/includes/ads/masthead_ads.js

That is a javascript embedded in the page of every news story on CBC which will not load the page if you have some type of ad blocking software. Basically forcing you to load ads if you want to read any news stories.

I'm shocked. I'm appalled. I pay my taxes, and I expect a fully funded CBC which does not need to rely upon ads on their web site to "get by".

Now, thankfully, I don't have this problem on my BlackBerry, so I suppose that will be the only place I can continue to read the news.

In other, somewhat unrelated, news, Jasper and Gracie and Thomas are back!

Dead Dog in the City

At least CBC Radio is still ad-free!!

in my humble opinion

2006-09-25T22:07:00.000-06:00

IMHO.

I read this phrase, or acronym of the phrase, all the time. And I'm weary of it!!!

The in or the my are not the problem; the problem lies in linking the humble and opinion together.

From the Oxford Dictionary:

humble |ˈhəmbəl|
adjective ( humbler , humblest )

having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance
of low social, administrative, or political rank

opinion |əˈpinyən|
noun
a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge

The humble opinion is an oxymoron.

If the opinion were truly humble, then it would not be expressed.
If the opinion is not expressed, then it is no longer an opinion, and is now merely a thought.
A thought can be humble, but an opinion cannot be humble.
Opinions are typically based on some presupposition of pride.

One cannot logically claim that some thought is humble, only to elevate it to the stature of some thing needing to be heard or read by others. In raising the esteem of the thought, the humbleness of it is lost. Once one admits that there is nothing humble about the shared thought, then it can become an opinion, which it currently is because it was expressed.

today is a sad day

2006-09-20T21:18:00.000-06:00

Today is a sad day for all Canadians.

"Because the premier can't be seen supporting one team over another, I've had to sit in the stands at the Labour Day Classic and the Battle of Alberta hockey games cheering like an idiot for both teams. It's unnatural. It's like living in Red Deer."

Ralph Klein officially resigns.

je pleure pour mon pays
et je pleure pour ma province
le soleil n'a pas brillé aujourd'hui
ne l'oublions jamais!!

Pope apologises; Catholics embrace terrorism

2006-09-19T20:58:00.000-06:00

Whenever someone suggests that Islam is violent, Muslim peace protests break out around the world.

I'd quote the source here, but there isn't one. The problem is, whenever someone suggests that Islam is violent, riots and murders occur, among demands that the offending person apologise for....stating the obvious?

A statement of observation is not an attack.

Now, my favourite thing about the recent Islam-o-let's-start-some-motherfucking-shit-here-and-kill-a-bunch-of-Allah-damned-non-Muslims, was the Muslim who murdered an Italian in Mogadishu, Somalia. Apparently cowardice has sunk to a new low.

This foreign national had been living and working in Africa for over 40 years, and was a hospital worker in the city. So, her reward for helping the people who hate her was being murdered. Aside from merely being Catholic, she had nothing to do with what the German Pope quoted in his speech.

And now, Pope Benedict has apologised.

Again, cowardice has sunken to an even lower and newer new low.

when urine smells like coffee

2006-09-18T19:14:00.000-06:00

CBC reported on a report of coffee in Canada, which compares the three major "fast coffee" chains, Tim Hortons, Starbucks, and Second Cup.

Enjoy a cool frappucino blended coffee beverage on a warm day? That "coffee" is equivalent in calories and fat to drinking a "quarter pounder".

Good Cup, Bad Cup :: How to Survive in Latte Land.

welcome to / bienvenue à
Lewtopia

dumb people

2006-09-15T14:46:00.000-06:00

The headline read:

"Opposition to Pope's comments grows in Muslim world"

The papacy is well known for condemning just about anything and nearly everything. So I was not to thrilled about this latest Vatican-style fatwah.

But then I read the article.

http://www.cbc.ca/story/world/national/2006/09/15/pope-islam.html

The Pope made no condemnation of anyone. He was merely quoting a Byzantine Emperor whose message was that spreading faith by the sword is wrong.

It was a portion of a greater message that suggested that violence to promote any religion or belief is wrong.

And now Muslims are rioting, again, and demanding apologies, again.

I'm weary of this Islamic nonsense.

Why is it acceptable for them to have freedom of speech, but no one else?

Why is it acceptable for them to promote and participate in violence, but no one else?

Why is it that they think they are right and all others are wrong?

Why is it that no one may question Islamic ideology, but they can question and destroy anything which is not Islam?

I have far too many questions. But that longer that these ignorant tirades continue sparking up over NOTHING, the less I am able to tolerate and respect the freedom which I extend to them to practice whatever they want. (Which is the same I expect in return.)

Violence is always wrong.

Unless reason is absent.

Then by all means use violence to enable the establishment of reason, either through conversion or eradication.

paranoid eyes

2006-09-13T21:24:00.000-06:00

button your lip and don't let the shield slip
take a fresh grip on your bullet proof mask
and if they try to break down your disguise with their questions
you can hide, hide, hide
behind paranoid eyes

you put on our brave face and slip over the road for a jar
fixing your grin as you casually lean on the bar
laughing too loud at the rest of the world with the boys in the crowd
you can hide, hide, hide
behind petrified eyes

you believed in their stories of fame, fortune and glory
now you're lost in a haze of alcohol soft middle age
the pie in the sky turned out to be miles too high
and you hide, hide, hide
behind brown and mild eyes

~~ Roger Waters ~~

baby tv?

2006-09-11T11:02:00.000-06:00

"BabyFirstTV is a 24-hour-per-day commercial-free television channel that provides programming created specifically for the unique needs and abilities of viewers between six months and three years old. Eighty percent of the programming is original, designed by leading experts in child development, education and psychology. BabyFirstTV offers a safe and positive learning environment with an emphasis on enriching baby-parent interaction."

From six months to three years old? WtF!??!!
I am literally angry with rage! This is disgusting. I hate tv.

i think i just vomited in my mouth

2006-09-06T19:52:00.000-06:00

Jesus Camp

Street date: 15 September 2006

the pope has an exorcist?

2006-09-04T00:11:00.000-06:00

magic |ˈmajik|
noun
the power of apparently influencing the course of events by using mysterious or supernatural forces : do you believe in magic? | suddenly, as if by magic, the doors start to open.

mysterious tricks, such as making things disappear and appear again, performed as entertainment.
a quality that makes something seem removed from everyday life, esp. in a way that gives delight : the magic of the theatre.
informal something that has such a quality : their seaside town is pure magic.

"Magic is always a turn to the devil"

~~ Rev. Gabriele Amorth, the pope's exorcist

The power of apparently influencing the course of events by using mysterious or supernatural forces.

That God would come to earth born as a human, of a virgin, to be the Messiah to a people-group who hated him and eventually crucify him, only to die and be raised from the dead....

Sounds just a bit mysterious and supernatural to me.

Perhaps someone ought to exorcise the pope's exorcist.

By the way, Mr. Pope's Exorcist, it was Magi who came to visit the babe in the manger and give him money to flee Herod. Magi. They do magic. That's where we get the english word for magic, from the greek magi. It's in the Bible, and they aren't all bad people!!

alone

2006-09-03T21:18:00.000-06:00

Once again I find myself at the cinema alone.

The first film I ever saw alone was The Saint, starring Val Kilmer and some girl.

It was while going to that film at the somewhat new whatever~plex in Tilsonburg Ontario that I lost all the social fear of going out alone to a film.

And tonight, I'm not here to see Crank, an action flick sure to be pure Hollywood drivel starring Jason Statham.

I am here to see Little Miss Sunshine.

Come on people!!!

Steve Carell.

Greg Kinnear.

Toni Collette.

Alan Arkin.

Things I'm learning during the pre-show:

~ how was Mark Wahlberg ever in a boy band?? He's just not pretty enough!

~ John Heder's (or whatever Napolean's name is) career loser is getting more than tired. When can this guy finally get a different role and change his lame stereotype.

~ Telus commercials with computer animated animals are tragically annoying. More annoying is hearing the entire theatre coo while the frog gets wet with the monkey. Seriously, this ad compaign style got old about a year BEFORE Clear-Net was swallowed by Telus.

~ the endless loop of pre-show needs to be longer than 9 minutes.

dear editor:

2006-09-01T14:05:00.000-06:00

I don't usually pay much attention to the Lethbridge Herald, but I was captured by a letter to the editor from a couple days ago, and I have been following the thread of this conversation.

Original letter.

Reply #1.

Reply #2.

Reply #3.

o.m.f.

2006-08-30T19:00:00.000-06:00

I figure that Jeremy is much less in biking shape than I, so I went for a real ride before we were scheduled to go, so then I would be tired and he wouldn't bore me with slow cycling.

I bring my Digital Rebel XT and we head to the skate park. There are usually crazy kids there doing death defying stunts, and I want to take pictures of sport action. So that was alright. I've been there on better days. But I never go alone, or I would look like some creepy quasi-pedophile with a camera taking pictures of young boys who are quite often topless.

Then Jeremy and I bike to a nice access point to ride down to the river.

We even went to see the pelicans! There are a group of gigantic pelicans which summer in Lethbridge living off the fish that fall off the damn. Sometimes, they are very close to the shore. I have been within 10 m a few times. But today they were in the middle of the river.

I've been biking in Lethbridge, on average, 15 km per day, 150 days a year, for 4 years. I have never got a flat tire. On Jeremy's first day, within 10 km, he gets a flat.

At that same moment we came to part of the trail with about four huge trees fallen across the path, big enough that the passage is over.

As I stop and turn around, he tells me he's got a flat. He stops about 5 m behind me. As I'm clipping out of my pedals, he says: "did you hear that?!?"

I say: "hear what?"

Side note: the city of Lethbridge has the knowledge of a population of about 50 rattlesnakes which live in the river valley WITHIN city limits!!! I've read all about them on the city web site.

He says: "snake!!"

Me: "are you sure it wasn't a grasshopper?" (One species around here is not so populous, but has a clacking sound which could be akin to a rattlesnake sound to one who is it not fond of snakes at all, and poisonous snakes even less.)

This happens in about second seconds of dialogue, and the next three seconds consist of me leaping off my bike and jumping up waist-high onto the trunk of the fallen tree.

We watch the brush in silence for the next few minutes. Nothing. Jeremy then tells me stories of his bike shop co-workers coming in contact with the rattlesnakes in the valley. Geez!

He moves closer to me and changes his flat while I keep vigilant snake watch.

After 20 minutes and his wife's phone call, his tire is changed and we start climbing over the rest of the felled trees.

As I'm mounting my bike on a narrow part of trail, I hear the evidence of something moving and I look about 1 m to my right to see the ground foliage rustling in a pattern which I can only attribute to a rattlesnake!!

I can't even get both my feet on the pedals and I start running with one foot and cycling with the other!

I get up a bit of a hill and wait for Jeremy, who yells something, and my split second first thought is that he's been bitten and that I'm NOT going back for him.

We keep biking and about another 150 m down the trail there is a 3 m bunny hill thing (straight up -> straight down).

As I crest the hill, there is a snake crossing the path!!!!!!

I instinctively pull my feet up, which is impossible with cleats....and I nearly bail off my bike to side down a hill into the river.

I could have sworn that thing was 2 feet long with a girth of at least 8 inches....but alas, it was a tiny garter snake which Jeremy claims was only 8 inches long, at best.

And that's my cycling story from Sunday. I didn't actually use the O.M.F., but it was definitely on my mind more than once!!!!

gonorrhea on Valentine's Day

2006-08-25T10:04:00.001-06:00

Much of the spam I receive is in text form, with 1 instead of i and @ instead of a.

But this morning, while attempting to highlight multiple spams, this appeared in the preview pane of my Mail application. And I thought it was quite worthy of saving. In all the years, I've never got something quite this good!!!

2006-08-24T11:21:00.000-06:00

makes me laugh

i did it!

2006-08-17T21:18:00.000-06:00

A feat of insurmountable excellence!

I folded all the clean laundry in my room and put it away in the closet.

Normally, I toss it on the bed, and then it gets shoved to the side while I sleep under it, and eventually it all falls on the floor into a huge pile in front of the closet. And I spend a lot of time ironing.

embrace the eunuch....at least in concept

2006-08-04T08:45:00.000-06:00

What I cannot believe is that Peter Robert Joseph Whitmore has unrestricted freedom to move about as he pleases and associate with children.

The best account of 22 July through 2 August can be found here.

Here are the official bulletins from the RCMP: Whitmore wanted, and the missing persons report.

What I find confusing is that Bruyerre was NOT listed as kidnapped, only missing, all the while the authorities KNEW without a doubt that he was with a repeat convicted child sex offender.

This is reminiscent of other cases of double standard "justice". Never forget about the Saskatoon police dropping natives out of city limits in the winter to die from exposure. Or about the infamous 911 phone calls that went unheeded and resulted in the murders of two sisters in Winnipeg. So, here we are again, and just another stupid poor native is merely missing, and not kidnapped. Whatever.

But let's get back to the real problem: repeat offender pedophiles roaming the country freely.

Does this not make you sick? Does this not disgust you?

Once. Twice. Thrice. Geez. Why not permanently prevent a person such as this from sort of behaviour?

Criminals are treated with just a bit too much respect.

2006-08-02T18:41:00.000-06:00

voice wreck-ognition

Yet another reason why you should buy a Mac.

notice something?

2006-08-01T10:59:00.000-06:00

Look to the right, and you will see an icon which indicates my status with Y! Messenger.

Looks like this:

I'm boycotting MSN messenger because they do not have a client for BlackBerry. (Coincidentally, Yahoo does.)

You can get the new MSN Messenger / Windows Live Messenger here. With this new client, you will be able to add Y! contacts to your MSN list. My Y! ID is vbs420.

I will still sign in to MSN, but only when I'm at home and on my Mac, which isn't all that often.

Excerpts #1 .::. Wolfe on Loneliness .::.

2006-07-30T18:10:00.000-06:00

"The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenon, peculiar to myself and to a few other solitary men, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence. When we examine the moments, acts, and statements of all kinds of people--not only the grief and ecstasy of the greatest poets, but also the huge unhappiness of the average soul, as evidenced by the innumerable strident words of abuse, hatred, contempt, mistrust, and scorn that forever grate upon our ears as the manswarm passes us in the streets--we find, I think, that they are all suffering from the same thing. The final cause of their complaint is loneliness.

....

Sometimes it is nothing but a shadow passing on the sun; sometimes nothing but the torrid milky light of August, or the naked sprawling ugliness and squalid decencies of streets in Brooklyn fading in the weary vistas of that milky light and evoking the intolerable misery of countless drab and nameless lives. Sometimes it is just the barren horror of raw concrete, or the heat blazing on a million beetles of machinery darting through the torrid streets, or the cindered weariness of parking spaces, or the slamming smash and racket of the El, or the driven manswarm of the earth, thrusting on forever in exacerbated fury, going nowhere in a hurry."

Thomas Wolfe

Excerpted from "God's Lonely Man", 1935.

30 is now 48

2006-07-29T15:04:00.000-06:00

Doing laundry today, I noticed that fortune has smiled upon the residents of Ambassador Gardens:

The fourth floor dryer now provides 48 minutes of drying time for $1

I'm back!

God's love is unconditional

2006-07-16T15:01:00.000-06:00

"When her small-town religious friends found out she was a lesbian, they scorned and abandoned her. Her family disowned her. She thought she was alone with nowhere to turn...all simply because she was trying to come out of the darkness and be who she really was.

And when it seemed that there was no more hope, only more darkness, she took her life out of desperation.

We hope that she is somehow able to feel all of the incredible love these wedding couples have for each other. She, above all, would understand that they're just celebrating the infinite diversity of God's creation and His unconditional love.

Because of Doris, and the trials she endured, there's now more hope in this world. It's a hope that was born and then blossomed because of her pain; her gift to all of us."

~ dedication to 'Doris', from "The Complete Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings", K.C. David.

the laughs just keep rolling in! God bless the internet (except for the porn)

2006-07-07T08:39:00.000-06:00

FAUXMOSEXUAL

Someone who gives every appearance of being homosexual, but is in fact heterosexual. A fauxmosexual male may display metrosexual attention to hygiene, style, and culture, have an effeminate speech pattern or display effeminate behavoir in gesticulation and mannerism, and/or give the basic impression of being gay. A faumosexual female may be fairly butch in appearance and style, display a militant feminist ("feminazi") attitude toward men, or show strong proclivities toward Lilith Fair or other female empowerment. These are the people you "just know" are gay, but who seem to show proof to the contrary.

2006-07-06T19:40:00.000-06:00

Hill$ong

I nearly cried. This is good.

what is _______?

2006-07-03T10:06:00.000-06:00

Maybe Mrs Cartwright had been a hellcat in her youth, Tom thought, maybe she was responsible for every one of her daughter's neuroses, maybe she had clutched her daughter so closely to her that it had been impossible for the daughter to lead a normal life and marry, and maybe she deserved to be kicked overboard instead of walked around the deck and listened to for hours while she talked, but what did it matter? Did the world always mete out just deserts? Had the world meted his out to him? He considered that he had been lucky beyond reason in escaping detection for two murders, lucky from the time he had assumed Dickie's identity until now. In the first part of his life fate had been grossly unfair, he thought, but the period with Dickie and afterwards had more than compensated for it. But something was going to happen now in Greece, he felt, and it couldn't be good. His luck had held just too long. But supposing they got him on the fingerprints, and on the will, and they gave him the electric chair -- could that death in the electric chair equal in pain, or could death itself, at twenty-five, be so tragic, that he could not say that the months from November until now had not been worth it? Certainly not.

Highsmith, Patricia. The Talented Mr Ripley. Penguin Books: London UK, 1955, 244.

Lois Lane is the Madonna

2006-06-30T01:22:00.000-06:00

...and Madonna had sex with Jesus about five years before the Genesis.

Are critics ever right?

How often are they wrong?

Well, with Superman Returns, they are wrong.

But don't let me spoil it for you.

Go see the modern day Messiah for yourself.

(There is no Easter egg.)

[Parker Posey steals the show.]

.::. i got carded .::.

2006-06-29T22:23:00.000-06:00

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was in Waterton on Saturday.

We went for a speed hike. Which was ultimately a waste of time.

Then we went to Cameron Lake and lay on the dock and got sun burnt.

Next we went to the Prince of Wales hotel to use the bathroom.

I was hungry, so I went in the lounge and ordered a pint and a poutine.

Server: "I'll have to see some ID."

Me: hands my operator's licence over to Server.

Server: stares at operator's licence for in inordinate amount of time.

Server: handing back operator's licence: "oh, April...."

~£~£~£~£~£~£~£~£~£~£

I think: what does April have to do with anything?

What about the 197x birth year?

Anthony said she was memorising my address.

Mrs. Unger said she was checking for my sign. Aries or Taurus?

Dodge or Ford?

Waiting for superman is good. Stupid fucking ignorant high school teens suck. They are pissing me off.

If I had a gun......I'd hope for enough bullets to riddle the corpses of these fuckers.

(And now, I bet I'm a threat and CSIS or RCMP are watching me.)

Israel 1 - palestine 0

2006-06-28T10:15:00.000-06:00

I'm tired of hearing about this tiresome and boring conflict.

The land belongs to Israel now. As it once did a long time ago. Any others were just squatting.

As long as Hamas and others promote violence against a soveriegn ruler, or anyone else, they do not deserve sympathy or protection or endorsement from any source.

Good on Israel for stepping up and taking control of a chaotic mess. Hopefully they will finish the task that Joshua started.

liquor store or porn shop?

2006-06-22T19:48:00.000-06:00

people irritate me

2006-06-21T18:26:00.000-06:00

And that is why I'm an introvert.

I could have hurt someone by now!

(The moustache is looking porntastic! Or pimptastic, whichever you prefer.)

when RSS is too slow for you...

2006-06-13T13:57:00.000-06:00

Updated content. That's what the net is all about. And how to manage all that content?

RSS.

But even that is a bit too slow at times. It's pull technology. And you've got to have some device or service polling and pulling. I may have to wait up to 15 minutes to know when something has been updated!

Well, I stumbled upon MSN Alerts. And I signed up. You will notice a link in the right side navigation window under "more me".

You can sign in to your passport, and then subscribe to the MSN Alerts of my blog! Brilliant service. You choose: MSN messenger alert, email, SMS. I like SMS. Then I know NOW that I've updated myself.

And now you can too.

Thank you for reading, my loyal legion(s) of fan(s). My blog runneth over.

sexier than Tom Jones .::. part 2

2006-06-10T23:35:00.000-06:00

In honour of Burton Cummings, I am growing a moustache. I started today by not shaving my upper lip. For those who don't know me, this will be a long and arduous web journey. It will take about 3 months. I usually only have to shave twice a week.

Shave #1

The last time I didn't shave, it was for the summer of 1998. I did get a decent moustache, but the rest only looked like patchy dirt from a day working around dirt. It was not impressive at all. However, my moustache will be blond. And the ends of it, if I remember correctly, will flow freefully into my mouth.

IT WILL BE GLORIOUS!!

sexier than Tom Jones

2006-06-09T23:20:00.000-06:00

Randy Bachman and Burton Cummings are back again on a tour across Canada: First Time Around 2006.

I'm too giddy to write about it now, however, here is the song list from the show, along with my liner notes, typed on my BlackBerry live during the concert.

I didn't even have tickets. At $76 each, I wasn't even in the market. However, I got a call 4 minutes before the opening act started, my friend Scott had two extra tickets and wanted to know if I wanted them.

Third row centre, on the floor. Literally, 15 feet from Randy and Burton.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

american woman

albert flasher

these eyes

you ain't seen nothing yet

(I need more cow bell!!)

timeless love

clap for the wolfman

let it ride

hand me down world

no sugar tonight / new mother nature

prairie town

fine state of affairs

hey you

(I need more piano cam!!)

laughing

(Burton on FLUTE!!!)

undun

star baby

looking out for number 1

got my own way to rock

(only Dave scats more than Burton)

break it to them gently

no time

ENCORE

share the land

SECOND ENCORE

takin care of business

(my head hurts from screaming)

my breath smells like cat food

2006-06-06T21:43:00.000-06:00

Tonight, I finally crashed my wagon, broke down and purchased a Safeway meatloaf. Not just any old loaf, but rather a homestyle meatloaf, precooked, ready to eat, and fresh from the Safeway oven.....four hours ago.....and only $6.99!!

I had to dig down through all the $7.99 precooked, ready to eat, fresh from the Safeway oven, homestyle slow roasted chickens to find a meatloaf. And for my toils, there was not one, but three meatloafs. Or is it meatloaves?

I got to smell the glorious meatloaf all the way home! I could barely contain my glee! The homestyle meatloaf is topped with a rich tomato glaze! (I think it is burnt ketchup.)

Well, I was not fully disappointed. Though I do believe I now know how cat food must taste. Perhaps not cat food. Maybe a step above, university or military food.

However, I am still in awe of one thing, which also happens to be the catalyst for this post, the surprising unexpected ingredient.

Dehydrated potato.

Not plural, but singular.

Here is my challenge to you, oh blog reader, find a surprising and unexpected ingredient in any item of prepared food.

Items disallowed are:
- unpronounceable chemicals, additives, colours, and/or flavours
- notations to indicate kosher-ness
- allergy cautioning

Basically, it's got to be real food stuff, but also on-label and surprising and unexpected.

Let's all get fat and malnourished together!

This post was brought to you by:

Research In Motion

BlackBerry 7100r

Rogers Wireless / Rogers Sans Fils

And my left thumb.

CD Rom #23

2006-06-05T13:15:00.000-06:00

CD Rom #23

The Lord is my icon
I shall not font
He maketh me to download the good software
He leadeth me beside the cool websites
He rebooteth my soul

Yea though I surf through the virus of the email of death
I shall spam no porno
For Thou files art with me
Thy mouse and Thy pad, they comfort me

Thou preparest a webcam for me in the presence of my buddy list
Thou annointest my disc with zip
My blog runneth over
Surely hotmail and myspace will follow me all the days of my life
And I will dwell in this house
With mom, for ever and ever
Are you sure you want to say amen?

Amen

Live long and prosper

~~written and performed by John Wing Jr. on DNTO~~

match point

2006-05-29T00:35:00.000-06:00

Match Point

Brilliant. Fucking brilliant.

I have never seen a Woody Allen film that I didn't completely love. And this was no exception.

"It would be fitting if I were apprehended...and punished. At least there would be some small sign of justice; some small measure of hope for the possibility of meaning."
~~Chris Wilton

In some bizarre, twisted, way, I completely love Chris' character. There's something so Thomas Ripley about him.

I don't know if it's the complete psychopath, or the coming from nothing and obtaining great riches and fortune through alternative means which attracts me, but I have empathy for Chris Wilton (and Thomas Ripley as well).

I've got to admit, I was cussing up a storm (mostly from the pinot noir) when Chris was having an affair with Nola. Love/lust. What are these? Nothing. Sex? Nothing. Meaningless and decadent. Meaningful and boring. Who the fuck cares? I certainly don't. So, I was a bit angered that Chris was having the affair with Nola, considering how much he was giving up, how much he was going to sacrifice. And this, only because it has been a life-long fantasy of mine to marry into wealth, so much so that I WOULD NEVER FUCK THAT UP WITH SOME AMERICAN TRAMP.

However, we see a bit of reality coming home to Chris when he discovers that Nola is pregnant. I find it so quaint that the fowl temptress begs him to "do the right thing" by leaving his wife for her. (???) The "right thing" would have been for Nola to get an(other) abortion. [Sidenote] Whores and sluts need abortions. That she has had two abortions already makes Nola extremely questionable. Lesbians and thespians don't need abortions. [/Sidenote]

But Nola had to be a pushy bitch. Salut salope! Curtain rises for Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction! I cannot condone infidelity in any form, but the greater of two evils is the jealous whore. The wife takes precidence by covenantal default. Chris Wilton does the right thing by removing the whore.

The inner turmoil of 'does he get away with it?' / 'does he not get away with it?' was nearly intoxicating. But in the end....

"I don't care if he's great, I just hope he's lucky..."
~~Tom Hewitt

why are people so stupid?

2006-05-26T13:44:00.000-06:00

My phone number is one digit away from the Government of Alberta.

If a person changes my 5 to 0, then you'll be calling the Government. Similarly, if that 0 is changed to a 5, then you call me.

So then, how is it that a person screws this up? A 5 and a 0 are not similar at all! They are not beside each other on a telephone keypad. A caller would have to skip over a second row to dial the 5.

And it's not smart people either. These callers are the type of people looking for welfare cheques, or child support enforcement, or free health care.

Come on! If you're going to be a social burden, a leech, and a general life sucking drain on the economy, at least you could figure out how use a telephone!

And this has nothing to do with the greater Cleveland cab company, for which I also get phone calls from drink people late at night.

That took me over a year to figure out. But one day, someone finally called in the middle of the day, sober, and was able to tell me which company they were calling. I googled it, and soon discovered this: take off the 4 of their area code, and add a 0 to end of the number, and presto! through the magic of the PSTN, you ring up my mobile!

At least those people aren't social leeches; they've got money and are trying to spend it to further stimulate the economy.

Whenever I see that Ohio code on the call display, I now have fun with it.

When some poor old senior calls me instead of one of the King's civil slaves, I explain that the number was dialled incorrectly. You're old! What can you do?

But when it's some welfare bum, or aggressively passive social drain, I just hang up. Or press ignore, continually sending a busy tone down the line. It's my little gift to the ignorant and lazy.

Perhaps you should have learned your abc's and 123's before dropping out of grade 4 and becoming useless.

why is it?

2006-05-25T08:58:00.000-06:00

Why is it that I not only know all the words to every song of Pink Floyd's epic album The Wall, but I can also sing it in its entirety accapella AND in character?

More from jPod:

Your stripper name is derived from the cheapest form of sugar or sweetener you have had today.

Brown Sugar
Pure Cane
Sweet Chili Pepper
Turkish Apricot
Organic
Mentos! The Fresh Maker!
Winterfresh Colgate
Small Fries

"Welcome to Coffee Talk, I'm your host, Linda Richman"

2006-05-24T22:19:00.000-06:00

Mike Myers, during the golden years of SNL, dressed up as his mother-in-law and hosted a television show dedicated to Barbara Streisand.

On occassion, Linda Richman (aka: Myers) would become emotional and declare: "I'm so verklempt. Talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic: ____________, discuss."

The topic was typically some ironic vignette, or at least a twist on a phrase.

Hot dogs. They're neither hot, nor dogs. Discuss.

Rhode Island. It's not a road, nor an island. Discuss.

The Thighmaster. It's not a thigh, nor a master. Discuss.

The Romanesque church design was based on a Roman basillica. Discuss.

Ralph Fiennes' name is neither spelled Rayph, nor Fines. Discuss.

Inside the front cover of jPod in amongst all the other text, is this little easter egg:

Cigar smoking totally looks like fellatio, and it's considered manly. Discuss.

A couple more, just because they make me laugh:

I'm not lazy; I'm aggressively passive.

If you had to choose one person in your office who would come in one morning with a rifle and blow everyone to bits, who would it be? Just remember, it's the second-most-likely person who always does it, not the first.

how does a person get a job at Chapters and NOT know who Coupland is?

2006-05-21T20:47:00.000-06:00

When in Calgary on Friday, I went to the Chapters at Sunridge to buy my copy of Douglas Coupland's new novel jPod.

I walked into Chapters expecting the larger-than-life-lego marketing display near the front. Near Starbucks. Near the middle. Near something. Near nothing. There was no display to market the book. jPod was not even on the back wall of bestsellers. In fact, I had to go to the stacks to find a copy, and there was only one copy!!

Disturbed, but not caring, I took my copy up to the cashiers. (Why does every Chapters have 15 cashier tills, but there are never more than two cashiers working?) The cashier made no comment on my purchase. Not even a beep. I suggested to her that I was expecting a display, if not fans dressed up in character. She looked at me quizzically. I told her that, for example, harry potter is less than NOTHING compared to a Coupland novel. Then she offers: "oh, him...yeah, I think I've heard of him".

I don't usually want to hit people, but when I do, it's warranted. I just couldn't believe someone who works in a book store...a fucking book store!...had no idea who I was talking about. I felt like Meg Ryan in Fox Books in the children's section when the crackly-voiced-teenaged-minimum-waged-worker didn't know about the ballerina shoe series.

I like Coupland because I like his characters. I can relate to them because they live in a world I am familiar with. Corporate consumer capital western culture. CCCWC. The new CCCP.

I now have a headache from reading. jPod is 515 pages. I started yesterday morning when I woke up. And though I took a couple of breaks for odd errands, I finished less than 36 hours later.

Not one of his best works, but very good.

Two thumbs up.

9.5 out of 10.

I'll forgive the cashier for being stupid, as long as she is from Edmonton and now in Calgary searching for a better life.